Carol, I can’t describe how you make me feel. Wait, no, I can – you make my mind release pleasure-inducing neurotransmitters and you’ve flooded my mind with dopamine. If the experience of snorting cocaine and getting so high out of my mind that I want to climb a telephone pole with my bare hands just to see if I can do it were a person, it would be you.

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quotes

Why do we all say we prefer honesty but rarely give that courtesy to others? Maybe in our hearts we all want to give others honesty, but in practice it’s just too damn hard. Honesty is confrontational. Crafting the ‘honest’ message takes a lot of time and thought. And no matter how delicately you do it, it feels cold and mean to reject someone. It’s just easier on many levels to say nothing or pretend to be busy until people get the picture.

— Aziz Ansari

I asked if this was maybe a very, very lame, roundabout dinner-date invitation – to ask her to come over for cabbage. “No, he was really asking me how to cook cabbage,” she moaned. The same guy e-mailed her a few days later with this gem, and again, this is not a joke: “I recently got my futon wet and put it outside to dry, but it got caught in the rain, so now it’s wet again.

— Aziz Ansari

If you live a responsible life, you’ll run into responsible people.

— Aziz Ansari

Some are clearly so confused that they have taken to wearing fedoras. A difficult period indeed.

— Aziz Ansari

For example, in a topic we’ll revisit in more depth later, breaking up with someone via text seems pretty brutal to people of my generation, but when we interviewed younger people, several said their breakups happened exclusively by text. For younger generations, who knows what texts lie ahead? THE.

— Aziz Ansari

Hi, I’m Jane. I’m twenty-four and I have a similar experience with Tinder where I was, like, at a party with friends and they were like, “This is the funnest game ever. Let’s play this.” And I downloaded it. And then, like, started seeing way too many people I knew. So I deleted it.

— Aziz Ansari

When you look at your phone and see a text from a potential partner, you don’t always see another person – you often see a little bubble with text in it. And it’s easy to forget that this bubble is actually a person.

— Aziz Ansari

Much of online dating, Finkel and company argued, is based on the faulty notion that the kind of information we can see in a profile is actually useful in determining whether that person would make a good partner.

— Aziz Ansari

This is why I always say: “If your mother asks you to come beat up an elderly woman on the street for feeding stray cats, JUST SAY NO, it’ll always come back to haunt you.

— Aziz Ansari

She felt HORRIBLE. It was the greatest Valentine’s Day gift I’ve ever received.

— Aziz Ansari

Oh, I’m sure he’s much more intelligent and thoughtful in person. This is just his “lazy phone persona.

— Aziz Ansari

Now most young people spend their twenties and thirties in another stage of life, where they go to university, start a career, and experience being an adult outside of their parents’ home before marriage.

— Aziz Ansari

In the United States there’s an optimistic expectation that most people will remain faithful to their partner, but actual data show great numbers of people will not.

— Aziz Ansari

This gets into a fundamental change in how marriage is viewed. Today we see getting married as finding a life partner. Someone we love. But this whole idea of marrying for happiness and love is relatively new.

— Aziz Ansari

Waiting for true love was a luxury that many, especially women, could not afford. In the early 1960s, a full 76 percent of women admitted they would be willing to marry someone they didn’t love. However, only 35 percent of the men said they would do the same.3 If you were a woman, you had far less time to find a man. True love? This guy has a job and a decent mustache. Lock it down, girl.

— Aziz Ansari

Marriage was too vital an economic and political institution to be entered into solely on the basis of something as irrational as love,” writes Coontz.

— Aziz Ansari

It made me wonder whether our ability and desire to interact with strangers is another muscle that risks atrophy in the smartphone world. You don’t need to make small talk with strangers when you can read the Beverly Hills, 90210 Wikipedia page anytime you want. Honestly, what stranger can compete with a video that documents the budding friendship of two baby hippopotamuses? No one, that’s who.

— Aziz Ansari

Today, if you own a smartphone, you’re carrying a 24-7 singles bar in your pocket. Press a few buttons at any time of the day, and you’re instantly immersed in an ocean.

— Aziz Ansari

At certain times, though, this “I need the best” mentality can be debilitating.

— Aziz Ansari

Wouldn’t it be cool to be single in a bygone area? I take a girl to a drive-in movie, we go have a cheeseburger and a malt at the diner, and then we make out under the stars in my old-timey convertible. Granted, this might have been tough in the fifties given my brown skin tone and racial tensions at the time, but in my fantasy, racial harmony is also part of the deal.

— Aziz Ansari
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