Just when we are most eager to make ourselves understood, we must strive to understand. Just when we seek to air our grievances, we must labor to comprehend another’s hurt. Just when we want to point out the fallacies and abusive behavior of someone else, we must ruthlessly evaluate our own offensive attitudes and behaviors.

— Gary L. Thomas

Gary L. Thomas Quotes

Even if you’re a giver who likes to give, it’s exhausting being married to a taker. A taker will suck the life out of you in many ways, and in one sense undercut your ability to minister to others.

— Gary L. Thomas

Here’s the reality: many women are led into marriage primarily through romantic idealism, and many men are swept to the altar through sexual attraction. Before you can make a wise marital choice, you have to rid yourself of inferior motivations. The wrong why will lead you to the wrong who.

— Gary L. Thomas

Understanding the truth is the doorway to new life. And understanding the truth often requires the use of labels. Honoring someone, whether that person is a boss, parent, or spouse, doesn’t mean we have to pretend they’re something they’re not. Honoring and honesty can exist side by side.

— Gary L. Thomas

Such individuals marry on an infatuation binge without seriously considering character, compatibility, life goals, family desires, spiritual health, and other important concerns. Then when the infatuation fades and the relationship requires work, one or both partners suddenly discover that they were “mistaken.” This person must not be their soul mate after all; otherwise, it wouldn’t be so much work.

— Gary L. Thomas

Biblical love is not based on the worthiness of the person being loved – none of us deserves Christ’s sacrifice – but on the worthiness of the One who calls us to love:.

— Gary L. Thomas

When we live for ourselves, we become boring. Most of us are simply not interesting enough on our own to captivate someone else for five or six decades.

— Gary L. Thomas

It’s sort of like signing a mortgage or buying a business while drunk. You need to “dry out” a bit and think this thing through before you commit the rest of your life to someone you can’t objectively evaluate.

— Gary L. Thomas

Wisdom says we should try to make a relationship work not because we have strong feelings but because it’s a good match.

— Gary L. Thomas

The first line of defense against toxicity in the world must therefore be launched by believers who practice self-control.

— Gary L. Thomas

When a toxic person attacks us, let’s think these words first: I honor my Father in heaven above all things. Pleasing you or getting you to agree with me isn’t my first goal in life. After explaining his motivation, Jesus puts the issue back on the toxic person, where it belongs. This isn’t about me because I’m honoring my Father; this is about you because you’re dishonoring me.

— Gary L. Thomas

Our motivation and our thoughts about our actions become as important as the actions themselves.

— Gary L. Thomas

To become a servant is to become strong spiritually. It means we are free from the petty demands and grievances that ruin so many lives and turn so many hearts into bitter cauldrons of disappointment, self-absorption, and self-pity.

— Gary L. Thomas

This season in your life can be so productive spiritually if you use it to allow God to break you, shape you, and remake you,” she told him. “We’re always looking at what our spouses have done wrong, but God wants to deal with our own hearts first.

— Gary L. Thomas

One of Satan’s cleverest attacks is getting us to pour our time and energy into people who resent the grace we share and who will never change, keeping us from spending time with and focusing on others whom we can love and serve.

— Gary L. Thomas

Sometimes to follow in the footsteps of Jesus is to walk away from others or to let them walk away from us.

— Gary L. Thomas

View marriage as an entryway into sanctification – as a relationship that will reveal your sinful behaviors and attitudes and give you the opportunity to address them before the Lord. But here’s the challenge: Don’t give in to the temptation to resent your partner as your own weaknesses are revealed. Don’t run from what you are hearing about yourself, or push your spouse away because of it – accept it and use it to grow.

— Gary L. Thomas

If there is one thing young engaged couples need to hear, it’s that a good marriage is not something you find; it’s something you work for. It takes struggle. You must crucify your selfishness. You must at times confront and at other times confess. The practice of forgiveness is essential. This is undeniably hard work. But eventually it pays off. Eventually, it creates a relationship of beauty, trust, and mutual support.

— Gary L. Thomas

Chapter 8 explores Jesus’ famous passage where he warns us not to throw pearls to pigs. Chapter 9 looks at the difference between labeling and name-calling; if it seems harsh to you to call someone “toxic,” you’ll find this chapter particularly helpful.

— Gary L. Thomas

It’s time to make the most of the one life God gives us, and that means we have to learn how to play a little defense. Resolve today that the toxic people won’t take you down or even distract you. Your mission matters too much for that.

— Gary L. Thomas

Honor isn’t passive, it’s active. We honor our wives by demonstrating our esteem and respect: complimenting them in public; affirming their gifts, abilities, and accomplishments; and declaring our appreciation for all they do. Honor not expressed is not honor.”2.

— Gary L. Thomas
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