Long-term marital intimacy requires accepting this truth: to stop giving yourself to your spouse is to spiritually divorce them.
Even if you’re a giver who likes to give, it’s exhausting being married to a taker. A taker will suck the life out of you in many ways, and in one sense undercut your ability to minister to others.
Here’s the reality: many women are led into marriage primarily through romantic idealism, and many men are swept to the altar through sexual attraction. Before you can make a wise marital choice, you have to rid yourself of inferior motivations. The wrong why will lead you to the wrong who.
Understanding the truth is the doorway to new life. And understanding the truth often requires the use of labels. Honoring someone, whether that person is a boss, parent, or spouse, doesn’t mean we have to pretend they’re something they’re not. Honoring and honesty can exist side by side.
Such individuals marry on an infatuation binge without seriously considering character, compatibility, life goals, family desires, spiritual health, and other important concerns. Then when the infatuation fades and the relationship requires work, one or both partners suddenly discover that they were “mistaken.” This person must not be their soul mate after all; otherwise, it wouldn’t be so much work.
Biblical love is not based on the worthiness of the person being loved – none of us deserves Christ’s sacrifice – but on the worthiness of the One who calls us to love:.
When we live for ourselves, we become boring. Most of us are simply not interesting enough on our own to captivate someone else for five or six decades.
It’s sort of like signing a mortgage or buying a business while drunk. You need to “dry out” a bit and think this thing through before you commit the rest of your life to someone you can’t objectively evaluate.
Wisdom says we should try to make a relationship work not because we have strong feelings but because it’s a good match.
The first line of defense against toxicity in the world must therefore be launched by believers who practice self-control.
When a toxic person attacks us, let’s think these words first: I honor my Father in heaven above all things. Pleasing you or getting you to agree with me isn’t my first goal in life. After explaining his motivation, Jesus puts the issue back on the toxic person, where it belongs. This isn’t about me because I’m honoring my Father; this is about you because you’re dishonoring me.
Our motivation and our thoughts about our actions become as important as the actions themselves.
To become a servant is to become strong spiritually. It means we are free from the petty demands and grievances that ruin so many lives and turn so many hearts into bitter cauldrons of disappointment, self-absorption, and self-pity.
This season in your life can be so productive spiritually if you use it to allow God to break you, shape you, and remake you,” she told him. “We’re always looking at what our spouses have done wrong, but God wants to deal with our own hearts first.
One of Satan’s cleverest attacks is getting us to pour our time and energy into people who resent the grace we share and who will never change, keeping us from spending time with and focusing on others whom we can love and serve.
Sometimes to follow in the footsteps of Jesus is to walk away from others or to let them walk away from us.
View marriage as an entryway into sanctification – as a relationship that will reveal your sinful behaviors and attitudes and give you the opportunity to address them before the Lord. But here’s the challenge: Don’t give in to the temptation to resent your partner as your own weaknesses are revealed. Don’t run from what you are hearing about yourself, or push your spouse away because of it – accept it and use it to grow.
If there is one thing young engaged couples need to hear, it’s that a good marriage is not something you find; it’s something you work for. It takes struggle. You must crucify your selfishness. You must at times confront and at other times confess. The practice of forgiveness is essential. This is undeniably hard work. But eventually it pays off. Eventually, it creates a relationship of beauty, trust, and mutual support.
Chapter 8 explores Jesus’ famous passage where he warns us not to throw pearls to pigs. Chapter 9 looks at the difference between labeling and name-calling; if it seems harsh to you to call someone “toxic,” you’ll find this chapter particularly helpful.
It’s time to make the most of the one life God gives us, and that means we have to learn how to play a little defense. Resolve today that the toxic people won’t take you down or even distract you. Your mission matters too much for that.
Honor isn’t passive, it’s active. We honor our wives by demonstrating our esteem and respect: complimenting them in public; affirming their gifts, abilities, and accomplishments; and declaring our appreciation for all they do. Honor not expressed is not honor.”2.