Perhaps that’s the first Survival Lesson we need to remember if we are to keep going: serious opposition is a measure of success. Women have been trained to measure our effectiveness in love and approval, not in conflict and resistance.
A quote is the essence of a story. We all need stories to convey ideas, justice, anger, humanity, hope, laughter, learning, and whatever makes us understand or feel understood.
The ultimate in parallel thinking is the Golden Rule – providing it is read both ways. The traditional sequence assumes a healthy self-esteem and asks for empathy: “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” But for many people whose self-esteem has been suppressed, the revolution lies in reversing it: Do unto yourself as you would do unto others.
People before paper; stories before statistics.
The dry tinder of inequality was everywhere, just waiting to be set on fire.
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, and you think it’s a pig, it’s a pig.
The best thing about self-defense is knowing there is a self worth defending.
Love is wanting what’s best for the other person. Romance is wanting the other person.
Everytime a woman looks in a mirror and criticizes her body, a girl is watching.
If I had one piece of advice to give to young girls, I would say, “Don’t listen to my advice. Listen to the voice inside.” It’s not important that they know who I am, it’s important that they know who they are.
Every woman knows there is a big difference between help that is designed to keep you dependent, and help that is designed to make you independent.
As feminism has changed academia by enlarging what is taught, academia has sometimes changed feminism. Scholarly language may be so theoretical that it obscures the source of feminism in women’s lived experience.
We don’t win by imitating what we’re against.
Just because we all have wombs doesn’t mean we have to be mothers, just like we all have vocal cords doesn’t mean we’re all opera singers.
When I’m traveling, I’m often confronted by a middle-aged white man who says something like “A black woman took my job.” My answer is always “Who said it was your job?” The problem is his sense of entitlement.
We are linked, not ranked.
Since learning causes our brains to grow new synapses, I like to believe that the road is sharpening.
But many of women’s body scars have a very different context, and thus an emotional power all their own. Stretch marks and Cesarean incisions from giving birth are very different from accident, war, and fight scars. They evoke courage without violence, strength without cruelty, and even so, they’re far more likely to be worn with diffidence than bragging. That gives them a moving, bittersweet power, like seeing a room where a very emotional event in our lives once took place.
I am reminded of Bryan Stevenson’s four steps for creating change, in the secret world of prisons or otherwise: There is power in proximity. Get close to the problem you feel drawn to. Change the narrative. Stay hopeful. Be willing to do uncomfortable things. Secrets have power only as long as they are secret.
You’re going to make mistakes, and you will learn from them. Say you’re sorry, ask what you could have done better, learn – and move on.
People who are experiencing a problem are the most likely to know its solution.