Like a trained surgeon who is careful where he cuts, parents, too, need to become skilled in the use of words. Because words are like knives. They can inflict, if not physical, many painful emotional wounds.
Rewards are most helpful and more enjoyable when they are unannounced in advance, when they come as a surprise, when they represent recognition and appreciation. Promises:.
Why do children lie? Sometimes they lie because they are not allowed to tell the truth. Four-year-old.
Another way parents can prevent children from lying is to avoid the question “Why?” Once upon a time “why” was a term of inquiry. This meaning has long vanished. It was corrupted by the misuse of “why” as a coin of criticism. To children “why” stands for parental disapproval, disappointment, and displeasure. It elicits echoes of past blame. Even a simple “Why did you do that?” may suggest “Why in the world did you do something as stupid as that?” A.
Unfortunately, when parents are confronted with children’s misbehavior, they are unaware that usually disturbing feelings fuel that behavior. Feelings must be dealt with before behavior can be improved. As.
A warning serves as a challenge to the child’s autonomy.
It is essential that a child’s life not be ruled by the adult’s need for efficiency. Efficiency is the enemy of infancy. It is too costly in terms of the child’s emotional economy. It drains the child’s resources, prevents growth, stifles interests, and may lead to emotional meltdowns. Children need opportunities to experiment, struggle, and learn without being rushed or insulted. Anxiety.
The plain fact is that responsibility cannot be imposed. It can only grow from within, fed and directed by values absorbed at home and in the community. Responsibility that is not anchored in positive values can be antisocial and destructive. Gang members often show great loyalty and strong responsibility in relation to one another and to their gang. Terrorists take their duties in dead earnest; they carry out commands, even if they involve sacrificing their own lives. The.
Responsibility in children starts with the parents’ attitude and skills. The attitudes include a willingness to allow children to feel all their feelings; the skills include an ability to demonstrate to children acceptable ways of coping with feelings. The.
When the child is allowed to experience the self as an individual with self-originating needs and goals, that child begins to assume responsibility for his or her own life and its demands. Allowance:.
Words of praise should mirror for the child a realistic picture of her accomplishments, not a distorted image of her personality.
The main purpose of music education in childhood is to provide an effective outlet for feelings. A child’s life is so full of restrictions, regulations, and frustrations that outlets of release become essential. Music is one of the best avenues of release: It gives sound to fury, shape to joy, and relief to tension. Parents.
The limit against hitting a parent should not be modified under any circumstances. Effective upbringing is based on mutual respect between parent and child without the parent’s abdicating the adult role.
The peaceful home, like the hoped-for peaceful world, does not depend on a sudden benevolent change in human nature. It does depend on deliberate procedures that methodically reduce tensions before they lead to explosions. Emotionally healthy parents are not saints. They’re aware of their anger and respect it. They use their anger as a source of information, an indication of their caring. Their words are congruent with their feelings. They do not hide their feelings.
Anger should be expressed in a way that brings some relief to the parent, some insight to the child, and no harmful side effects to either of them.
The single most important rule is that praise deal only with children’s efforts and accomplishments, not with their character and personality. When.
An empathic response that mirrors to children their upset feelings and expresses the parents’ sympathy and understanding is effective in changing children’s angry moods. The.
Where do we start if we are to improve communication with children? By examining how we respond. We even know the words. We heard our parents use them with guests and strangers. It is a language that is protective of feelings, not critical of behavior. What.
When we genuinely acknowledge a child’s plight and voice her disappointment, she often gathers the strength to face reality. Seven-year-old.
Feelings must be dealt with before behavior can be improved.
Often an ounce of humor is worth a ton of words.