I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet, so if I get a life, I’ll be notified immediately. – BUMPER STICKER I.
Courage is knowing it might hurt and doing it anyway. Stupidity is the same, and that’s why life is hard.
I mean, seriously. A dungeon? Are we talking The Princess Bride or Fifty Shades?
Could you add a side of vague to that?
If your path demands that you walk through hell, walk as though you own the place.
Sometimes, I shock myself with the smart things I say and do. Other times, I try to get out of the car with my seatbelt on. – Bumper Sticker.
Booze rarely talks, and when it does, it has nothing interesting to say.
I’m not on the crazy train. Trains go fast. It’s more like a wagon. A long, slow ride on the crazy wagon. – MEME.
Four out of five dentists agree: lying through your teeth does NOT count as flossing. – Meme.
If overthinking situations burned calories I’d be dead. – Meme.
Of course, I have flaws, but my boobs usually distract people from them. – T-shirt.
Note to self. Prepare better when letting a man in a straitjacket cross.
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. – STEPHEN WRIGHT.
Men in black are at the office?” “Well, yes, but they’re actually in more of a navy.
Don’t borrow trouble. Gotcha. So, then, can I rent it? – CHARLEY DAVIDSON.
You’re plying me with your feminine wiles?” “Not at all. I left my feminine wiles in my other pants. And I very rarely ply in public.
It got awkward, and then I made it worse somehow. – An autobiography.
She looked deep inside herself, but not too deep as she was a little scared of heights.
What doesn’t kill you gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a really dark sense of humor. – Meme.
I tried to start a gang once. It turned into a book club. – MEME.
A man with more bandages than a six-year-old left alone in a doctor’s office stumbled past the front of the station. The two plodded through the snow.