Osh, we are going to have to tie you up and torture you. Sorry.” “Really?” He stood and removed his top hat, a broad grin splitting his perfect face. With the enthusiasm of a virgin at a brothel, he slapped his hands together and rubbed them in anticipation. “Where do you want me?” Osh sat down and Garrett began the bondage process. Was it wrong that I had a hankering for gay porn at that moment?

— Darynda Jones

Darynda Jones Quotes

Courage is knowing it might hurt and doing it anyway. Stupidity is the same, and that’s why life is hard.

— Darynda Jones

I mean, seriously. A dungeon? Are we talking The Princess Bride or Fifty Shades?

— Darynda Jones

Could you add a side of vague to that?

— Darynda Jones

If your path demands that you walk through hell, walk as though you own the place.

— Darynda Jones

Sometimes, I shock myself with the smart things I say and do. Other times, I try to get out of the car with my seatbelt on. – Bumper Sticker.

— Darynda Jones

Booze rarely talks, and when it does, it has nothing interesting to say.

— Darynda Jones

I’m not on the crazy train. Trains go fast. It’s more like a wagon. A long, slow ride on the crazy wagon. – MEME.

— Darynda Jones

Four out of five dentists agree: lying through your teeth does NOT count as flossing. – Meme.

— Darynda Jones

If overthinking situations burned calories I’d be dead. – Meme.

— Darynda Jones

Of course, I have flaws, but my boobs usually distract people from them. – T-shirt.

— Darynda Jones

Note to self. Prepare better when letting a man in a straitjacket cross.

— Darynda Jones

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. – STEPHEN WRIGHT.

— Darynda Jones

Men in black are at the office?” “Well, yes, but they’re actually in more of a navy.

— Darynda Jones

Don’t borrow trouble. Gotcha. So, then, can I rent it? – CHARLEY DAVIDSON.

— Darynda Jones

You’re plying me with your feminine wiles?” “Not at all. I left my feminine wiles in my other pants. And I very rarely ply in public.

— Darynda Jones

It got awkward, and then I made it worse somehow. – An autobiography.

— Darynda Jones

She looked deep inside herself, but not too deep as she was a little scared of heights.

— Darynda Jones

What doesn’t kill you gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a really dark sense of humor. – Meme.

— Darynda Jones

I tried to start a gang once. It turned into a book club. – MEME.

— Darynda Jones

A man with more bandages than a six-year-old left alone in a doctor’s office stumbled past the front of the station. The two plodded through the snow.

— Darynda Jones
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