What a uniquely capitalist response to that gender inequality: women have been forced by convention for generations – millennia – to spend money on expensive clothes and agonising shoes, to daub themselves with reality-concealing slap, to smell expensively inhuman, to self-mutilate in pursuit of eternal youth; and this, quite rightly, has come to be deemed unfair. But how do we end this hell? We make men do it too. Well done everyone.

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quotes

Oh, the greenness of green: back under the canopy, our ford slowed by a dew garden between squattened buildings. Feathery, fronded, moss drenched, green.

— David Mitchell

The empowered may serve justice, remodel the Earth, transform lush nations into smoking battlefields, and bring down skyscrapers, but power itself is amoral.

— David Mitchell

I light up, fumigate my alveolar sacs and think dark thoughts.

— David Mitchell

I wonder what love feels like on the inside because externally it turns you into the King of Tit Mountain.

— David Mitchell

Some magic is normality you’re not yet used to.

— David Mitchell

Valleysmen’d not want to hear, she answered, that human hunger birthed the Civ’lize, but human hunger killed it too.

— David Mitchell

Miguel tries to look jokey-penitent, but misses and looks like a man in white jeans who underestimates a spot of flatulence.

— David Mitchell

Leave Ueno Station through the park entrance, go past the concert hall and museums, skirt around the fountain, and you come to a sort of tree garden. Homeless people live here, in tents made of sky-blue plastic sheeting and wooden poles. The best tents even have doors.

— David Mitchell

Did you not detect the hairline cracks in the plot? Such.

— David Mitchell

The corporations have money, power and influence. Our sole weapon is public outrage. Outrage blocked the Yuccan Dam, ousted Nixon and, in part, terminated the monstrosities in Vietnam. But outrage is unwieldy to manufacture and handle. First, you need scrutiny; second, widespread awareness; only when this reaches a critical mass does public outrage explode into being. Any stage may be sabotaged.

— David Mitchell

Nowadays not even the villains smoke. Now smoking really is an expression of the rebel spirit – it’s virtually sodding illegal! Yet what are we without our addictions? Insipid. Flavorless.

— David Mitchell

There’s the blind, Mr. Grimaldi, there’s the willfully blind, and then there’s the soon to be retired.

— David Mitchell

It is a gift from your ancestors and a loan from your descendants.

— David Mitchell

The dumbest dog can sit and watch. What takes brains is knowing when to look away.

— David Mitchell

As if Art is the What, not the How!

— David Mitchell

Marvel at the Two-Headed Schizoid Man! Gaze upon Madame Matryoshka and Her Pregnant Embryo! Gasp in Horror at the Real, Live Merican – but don’t poke your fingers into his cage!

— David Mitchell

I rarely feel despair, I forget how it gouges.

— David Mitchell

A whoah game it was, said Catkin, but I din’t want to know its rules nor endin’.

— David Mitchell

I said something about reading not being true knowledge, that true knowledge without xperience is food without sustenance.

— David Mitchell

List’n, savages an’ Civ’lizeds ain’t divvied by tribes or b’liefs or mountain ranges, nay, ev’ry human is both, yay. Old Uns’d got the Smart o’ gods but the savagery o’ jackals an’ that’s what tripped the Fall.

— David Mitchell
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