Murphy hung up and I said, to the still-open line, “Hey, if you’ve got someone watching my place, could you call the cops if anyone tries to steal my Star Wars poster? It’s an original.” Then I vindictively hung up on the FBI. It made my inner child happy.

— Jim Butcher

Jim Butcher Quotes

You don’t have to run faster than the bear to get away. You just have to run faster than the guy next to you.

— Jim Butcher

Competition Funny About Life

We’re ostriches and the whole world is sand.

— Jim Butcher

Santa is a much bigger and more powerful faery than Toot, and I don’t know his true name anyway. You’d never see me trying to nab Saint Nick in a magic circle even if I did. I don’t think anyone has stones that big.

— Jim Butcher

It’s not my fault all women like motorcycles, Murph. They’re basically huge vibrators. With wheels.

— Jim Butcher

I love being a wizard. Every day is like Disneyland.

— Jim Butcher

I had to smile at the man. I mean, you have to smile at idiots and children.

— Jim Butcher

There is, I think, humor here which does not translate well from English into sanity.

— Jim Butcher

Here had lived someone else who knew that the only thing waiting at home was a sense of loneliness. Sometimes it is comforting. Most often, it isn’t.

— Jim Butcher

I guess maybe you don’t get to be the Merlin of the White Council by saving up frequent-flier miles.

— Jim Butcher

Let’s sum up: an unknown number of enemies with unknown capabilities, supported by a gang of madmen, packs of attack animals, and superhumanly intelligent pocket change.

— Jim Butcher

I didn’t know this before, but as it turns out, Tyrannosaurs can really haul ass.

— Jim Butcher

Men plan. Fate Laughs. Guis Alera, First Lord.

— Jim Butcher

There is no spoon. I am completely spoonless over here.

— Jim Butcher

I may have had good reasons. I may have had the best of intentions. But intentions aren’t enough, no matter how good they are. Intentions can lead you to a place where you’re able to make a choice. It’s the choice that counts.

— Jim Butcher

It was never too late to learn something. The past is unalterable in any event. The future is the only thing we can change. Learning the lessons of the past is the only way to shape the present and the future.

— Jim Butcher

Lies. Mab cannot change who you are.

— Jim Butcher

Pain is to be endured. It ends or it does not.

— Jim Butcher

My faith protects me. My Kevlar helps.

— Jim Butcher

Better safe than exsanguinated.

— Jim Butcher

You suck. You suck diseased moose wang, Marcone.

— Jim Butcher

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