Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.
There is plenty of peace in any home where the family doesn’t make the mistake of trying to get together.
A bad cold wouldn’t be so annoying if it weren’t for the advice of our friends.
Don’t say yes until I’ve finished talking. – Attributed to many Hollywood executives Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.
We like little children, because they tear out as soon as they get what they want.
There isn’t much to be seen in a little town, but what you hear makes up for it.
Executive: a man who makes quick decisions and is sometimes right.
I will say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that is more than I can say for prosperity.
Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee much later than others.
The election is not very far off when a candidate can recognize you across the street.
One of the commonest mistakes is thinking your worries are over when your children get married.
It is no disgrace to be poor, but it might as well be.
Being an optimist after you’ve got everything you want doesn’t count.
Whoever takes just plain ginger ale soon gets drowned out of the conversation.
If capital and labor ever do get together it’s good night for the rest of us.
Only one fellow in ten thousand understands the currency question, and we meet him every day.
I don’t know of anything better than a woman if you want to spend money where it will show.
Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.
Flattery won’t hurt you if you don’t swallow it.
Fashion: a barricade behind which men hide their nothingness.
I never saw an athletic girl that thought she was strong enough to do indoor work.