It’s hard to give up the self-esteem connected to being codependent and appearing ‘right,’ which is probably a survival behavior learned from growing up in a crazy family. It feels like you will actually disappear.
LOW SELF-WORTH Codependents.
All our experiences are rich colors that make a full life.
To believe in people, to believe in each person’s inherent ability to think, feel, solve problems, and take care of themselves is a great gift we can give and receive from others.
When we attempt to control people and things that we have no business controlling, we are controlled. We forfeit our power to think, feel, and act in accordance with our best interests. We frequently lose control of ourselves. Often, we are being controlled not just by people but by diseases such as alcoholism, eating disorders, and compulsive gambling.
We need to find a balance between solving problems and learning to live with unsolved problems.
All of me, every aspect of my being, is important. I count for something. I matter. My feelings can be trusted. My thinking is appropriate. I value my wants and needs. I do not deserve and will not tolerate abuse or constant mistreatment. I have rights, and it is my responsibility to assert these rights. The decisions I make and the way I conduct myself will reflect my high self-esteem.
On our worst days, we still look for something we’ve done toward recovery. Sometimes the best we can do is feel good about what we did not do.
Struggling is okay. Back-stepping is okay. Small bits of progress are not only okay, they’re admirable.
Where we are today is where we’re meant to be. It’s where we need to be to get where we’re going tomorrow. And that place we’re going tomorrow will be better than any we’ve been before.
Do you know you have a right to become as healthy as you want, no matter what your family does or doesn’t do? Do you know you can love.
Worrying, obsessing, and controlling are illusions. They are tricks we play on ourselves. We feel like we are doing something to solve our problems, but we’re not.
Deprived thinking turns good things into less or nothing. Grateful thinking turns things into more.
In the morning and throughout our day, we lovingly and gently ask ourselves what we can do for ourselves that would feel good. We ask ourselves what we need to do to take care of ourselves. When we hurt, we ask what would help us feel better.15 We give ourselves encouragement and support. We tell ourselves we can do it, we can do it good enough, and things will work out. When we make a mistake, we tell ourselves that’s okay.
Anger, rage, complaining, and whining are clues to boundaries we need to set.
Boundaries are to take care of ourselves, not to control others. If we set a boundary not to be around practicing alcoholics, it isn’t to force Harvey to stop drinking. Harvey can choose to drink or not drink. Our boundary gives us a guideline to make our choice – whether we want to be around Harvey.
It isn’t the head that sees clearly, nor does the head always see with love. Often, it sees with eyes of fear. The heart sees clearly. It balances the mind and emotions. It takes what’s real and processes it into truth, then into action.
There is little in our lives we need to do that we cannot do better if we are peaceful.
Failure to follow desire, to do what you want to do most, paves the way to mediocrity.
Feelings are emotional energy; they are not personality traits.
We are not meant to be just like anyone else.