In America, you drive car. In Soviet Russia, car drive you!
Men and women are immigrants in each other’s worlds.
Falling in love is a chemical reaction. But it wears off in a year.
Balance is so important in our lives. In our busy world, we can give ourselves balance between thinking and feeling.
Never having alone time is real tough on people.
The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington.
We may have forgotten how to feel. Nobody is teaching us how to live happily ever after, as we’ve heard in fairy tales.
I fed my ego, but not my soul.
In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.
It’s kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart.
If you have something important to say, Broadway and New York are great places to say it.
I came to America to make it my home, and I did.
Comedians are always hitting the topical notes that are on everybody’s minds.
Americans think Soviets are so grim. I want them to see that they can smile.
In Russia, if a male athelete loses he becomes a female athelete.
After the Soviet Union collapsed, people thought I wasn’t funny anymore.
Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there.
I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.
In today’s society we sometimes forget to balance our hearts and our heads; this is the reason we stop laughing.
I was not only typecast as a Russian, but I was typecast as Yakov Smirnoff. This is understandable, and I was very happy to get the roles, but it would be nice to be in a movie where I could be someone else.
In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!