It’s hard to be funny when you have to be clean.
I have never been able to sleep with anyone. I require a full-size bed so that I can lie in the middle of it and extend my arms spreadeagle on both sides without being obstructed.
Flattery will get you everywhere.
How tall are you big boy? Six foot nine inches! Let’s go up to my place and talk about the nine inches!
Some women pick men to marry – and others pick them to pieces.
Brains are an asset to the woman in love who’s smart enough to hide ’em.
Love is the only industry which can’t operate on a five-day week.
Life’s just a merry-go-round. Come on up. You might get a brass ring.
Girls, give all your gentlemen friends an even break, even if you have to break them in the attempt.
Marriage is like a book. The whole story takes place between the covers.
All the raves were just words. You don’t want to let words confuse you. Words come cheap.
Women want certain things in marriage – the right to a title and a front seat in the lap of luxury.
Dates in Calendar are Closer Than They Appear! Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. Keep a diary, and someday it’ll keep you.
Always remember honey. A good motto is: Take all you can get and give as little as possible.
Never ask a man where’s he’s been. If he’s out on legitimate business, he doesn’t need an alibi. And, girls, if he has been out on illegitimate business, it’s your own fault.
I believe in the single standard – for men and women.
Woman: You certainly know the way to a man’s heart. Mae West: Funny, too, ’cause I don’t know how to cook.
Beulah, peel me a grape.
Hiring someone to write your autobiography is like hiring someone to take a bath for you.
March isn’t the only thing that’s in like a lion and out like a lamb.
Men are my life, diamonds are my career.