The only way woman can truly be completely satisfied is to get herself four different men – an old one, an ugly one, a Mandingo, and a gay guy.
Providing for the ones he loves and care about, whether it’s monetarily or with sweat equity, is part of a man’s DNA, and if he loves and cares for you, this man will provide for you all these things with no limits.
I’m a comedian first. I’ve learned how to act. I just draw on life experiences and that’s how I’ve learned. I didn’t take classes or anything. I don’t need no classroom.
There’s a lot more to me than just funny.
I never saw myself not being a stand-up. That was my plan.
I tell my boys not to play rough with their younger sister. I try to teach them what I know already: You’re never going to win an argument with a girl, so just let her have what she wants!
I don’t rehearse on either of my shows, ‘Family Feud’ or my talk show. I never rehearse with the guests. I don’t want to have any preconceived thoughts, notions, because that kills my creativity as a host and as a stand up.
Ask any guy if sex is important in a relationship and the one who says no is lying. I just haven’t met that guy yet. When you meet him, let’s get him in to the Smithsonian – he’s that special and rare.
Hip-hop is a beautiful thing. I think that the music genre itself has created more millionaires than any other music genre before it, especially in our community.
Other than my foundation – mentoring programs – everything I do is for money.
My father instilled in me to take care of my family. Show up even when you don’t want to show up.
The Lord saved my soul.
How can smart women be so stupid about men sometimes? Lack of knowledge. It’s what men have kept secret for so long.
To be No. 1 on the ‘New York Times’ best-seller list, well, that’s alarming. Having been a stand-up comedian, I think it’s surprising to a lot of people that I had the insight I had.
I don’t have much of an attention span for TV – I nod off during the basketball playoffs – but when I watch ‘Game of Thrones’ on On Demand, I’m glued to the set. It’s mystical and addictive. Tyrion Lannister, that’s my man.
My mother was a Sunday school teacher. So I am a byproduct of prayer. My mom just kept on praying for her son.
You’ve got to quit lowering your standards. Set your requirements up front so when a guy hooks you, he has to know this is business.
I tell jokes for a check; I’m on TV for a check.
I tell people I’m a stand-up comedian two hours a week. The rest of the time, I’m somebody’s husband, I’m somebody’s father. I’m a man. I take great pride in that.
If I were an animal, I’d probably be a bald eagle, since I’m already bald and I love to fish. But I’d probably be a shaky-ass eagle because I’m afraid of flying.
If you don’t have a base – you can’t not have a spiritual base and survive. That’s probably what has kept me out of the tabloids. Then I go home, I’ve got a family, and I keep my wife in front of my head.