It’d be great to be so famous that if I murder someone, I will never, ever, ever serve any jail time, even if it’s totally obvious to everyone that I did it.
I didn’t completely forget how to be nice or feminine because I have a career.
Every day, I wake up and I’m like, “Oh, I’m the star of my own show that has my name in it and I get to write it and hire actors that I’ve loved for such a long time!” It’s amazing!
Best friend isn’t a person, it’s a tier.
It doesn’t help for you to name a character’s first name be Mindy and then be like, “I’m nothing like the character.”
Sometimes I aid into the confusion by having my character’s name be my name.
I found it to be smooth sailing – 100 percent smooth sailing my whole career.
I hate gowns. It’s a rare gown indeed that is cool. Most are elegant or whatever, a quality I don’t put a big premium on.
I have a whole system down for returning online shopping: a tape gun, a printer for return labels. That has replaced traditional window shopping in my life, as I’ve gotten busier.
I don’t ever remember being able to debate with my parents. Even though I thought of myself as a very bright kid, I couldn’t be vocal in that way.
My whole childhood was like: Work hard, be quiet, respect elderly people, respect your parents, and just be unobtrusive.
When I was growing up, I didn’t do plays in downtown Boston, and my parents weren’t putting me in auditions. They never thought, Oh, she has a gift! They never thought of me as an entertainer when I was a young kid.
My dad is a very snappy dresser; he gets all his stuff tailored. He’s an architect, so he’s a little more artistically minded.
People who are good at stand-up, they sort of seem to have to do it. Something within them makes them have to go on the road.
I think a lot of people compare female writers or female comedians to each other in a way that men are not. Male comedy writers are not scrutinized.
Directing is exhausting, but not for the actual directing part, when you say “Action!” and give creative notes. As a director, the exhausting part is that you are a professional answer-machine.
I am the kind of person that is drawn to colors against my will.
Something that’s happened recently is that I don’t beat myself up about stuff.
I’m giving a lot of opinions, but I don’t give any advice. I’m 31 and I’m not married and having kids. I’m five-foot-three. I weigh, like, 150 pounds and I’m not in this position to be telling people how to live.
Every actor pretends that they hate sex scenes, and the truth is that they all love them, and they’re lying.
I stupidly memorize my credit card and use it about thrice weekly for online shopping. The only reason I don’t bankrupt myself is that I return about 75% of what I buy.