Mom and dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in. But every time I do, they tell me to stop it.
Some days you get up and you already know that things aren’t going to go well. They’re the type of days when you should just give in, put your pajamas back on, make some hot chocolate and read comic books in bed with the covers up until the world looks more encouraging. Of course, they never let you do that.
We don’t value craftsmanship anymore! All we value is ruthless efficiency, and I say we deny our own humanity that way! Without appreciation for grace and beauty, there’s no pleasure in creating things and no pleasure in having them! Our lives are made drearier, rather than richer! How can a person take pride in his work when skill and care are considered luxuries! We’re not machines! We have a human need for craftsmanship!
On gray days, when it’s snowing or raining, I think you should be able to call up a judge and take an oath that you’ll just read a good book all day, and he’d allow you to stay home.
Idiocy is the essence of the male mind.
The best presents don’t come in boxes.
Nowadays, ads don’t just sell a product. They sell an attitude! Look at this one! Here’s a cool guy saying nobody tells him what to do. He does whatever he wants and he buys this product as a reflection of that independence. So basically, this maverick is urging everyone to express his individuality through conformity in brand-name selection?
My book is called, “Shut Up And Stop Whining: How To Do Something With Your Life Besides Think About Yourself.
Oh lovely snowball, packed with care, smack a head that’s unaware! Then with freezing ice to spare, melt and soak through underwear! Fly straight and true, hit hard and square! This, oh snowball, is my prayer. I only throw consecrated snowballs.
I suppose it will all make sense when we grow up.
I’m leaking brain lubricant.
Maybe we can eventually make language a complete impediment to understanding.
Dad says that the anticipation of having something is often more fun than actually having it – Calvin.
How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food and beer conglomerates. Who’d have ever guessed product consumption, popular entertainment and spirituality would mix so harmoniously. It’s a beautiful world, all right.
I’m only civil because I don’t know any swear words.
I’ve never understood people who remember childhood as an idyllic time.
Any kid that never fantasized about blowing up his school never really went there.
When you look into infinity, you realize there are more important things than what people do all day.
Imagination is not always appreciated.
I cut out construction paper feathers and taped them on my arms so I can fly! Pretty neat, huh?
Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!