Life is an incurable condition: the only known treatment is to try to keep the patient comfortable.
I feel much better, now that I’ve given up hope.
It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.
We’re still benefiting from the sacrifices of people long dead, but we’re also suffering from their errors.
I could do great things, if I weren’t so busy doing little things.
How can I fail when I have no purpose?
Why is my autograph so little in demand, except on checks?
There are some things children cannot know, because once they learn them they are no longer children.
I always like to know what I’m doing, but there are times when nobody will tell me.
My time is far too valuable for me to spend any of it trying to improve myself.
Why is there still so much pain and suffering being produced when there’s so little demand for it?
You are what you eat, but eventually you become what eats you.
Never underestimate the size and scope of my problems.
Do what you know is right, but try not to get caught.
I don’t know how to be happy – They didn’t teach it in my school.
There’s no harm in talking to yourself, but try to avoid telling yourself jokes you’ve heard before.
How can you call it unreasonable when all I want is my own way?
Do you believe in apathy at first sight?
Life is not a problem – Life is the closest God has yet come to a solution.
My research consists of studying the effects of putting somebody like me into a world like this.
No matter how often I talk to God, he never tells me anything I didn’t already know.