In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth.
The basic thing is, people want to get paid, so they’ll say the things that get them paid, in entertainment or politics.
Once you get away from wanting to get paid, you can actually say some true things.
Everything on this earth right now is about labor and slavery. War is the only American export left that anyone wants to buy.
Illiteracy is a huge problem in America. One in three adults in our country is illiterate.
No government in the Middle East is innocent. Wars make the stock market go up, so no one in America is innocent either, nor anyone anywhere where capitalism reigns.
I hold to nothing but envisioning international peace and utopia. We all have many more things in common than not.
Pot enables you to think clearly without any fear or any limits. It’s a mind-expander, which is part of why it’s illegal and why drugs like Vicodin are legal.
I got, like, Diane Keaton’s manager, and she was very connected; she had power. And she was like, “Your star is in tears on this comedy. Do you even notice that at all?”
I’m so much more famous than I am financially successful.
My dad taught me swears when I was a toddler, and I saw, at a really early age, that if I shocked people, I would get approval, and it made my arms itch with glee. I got addicted to it. It became this source of power in a totally powerless life.
I never consciously set out to talk about taboos or anything like that.
Honestly, a lot of the human etiquette I learned in life I learned from, like, thank-you notes and dating Jimmy Kimmel.
My family were hitters. If you made them laugh, they didn’t hit you. My dad wouldn’t hit me if I got him with humor right between the eyes.
When I was little, that was one thing that I was told in a vision: I was going to have my own show when I grew up. And it’s going to be funny.
I remember performing on a punk stage with no mic in the middle of a mosh pit. My act was called “How to Be a Domestic Goddess.”
Truth is available to the ears that can hear it.
A lot of people who are actors and artists who work in Hollywood come from a background of abuse, and you can make abused people very fearful and they’ll do what they’re told. Hollywood definitely has a point of view that it sells.
I have horrible stage fright – you know how you go through the bi-polar stage fright thing? Then you go on drugs to get over the stage fright and perform, but then you’re not funny at all.
You’re only seventeen, you’re too young to have a meatloaf recipe... go get something pierced.
Given enough time, and no other options, I can adjust to just about anything.