Lots of people were giving me flak when I made the deal to do the very last season of Scrubs for $350,000 an episode. When really I’m the one that’s being cheated, because the writer’s strike is keeping me from all the money that I could be making. I need to eat, too.

— Zach Braff

Zach Braff Quotes

The greatest charity you can contribute to is yourself. Instead of spending a dollar to help feed hungry children, why not spend that dollar on hair gel so you can get the perfect cowlick?

— Zach Braff

I think there are bound to be obstacles in any path to success. I mean, I’m Jewish, and there’s nothing I can do about that. Instead of sitting around and feeling sorry for myself, I got over it and did something with my life.

— Zach Braff

I’m sick of people saying I hate blacks, women, and gays. It’s false and slanderous. Everyone who knows me knows I hate the Chinese.

— Zach Braff

I was originally casted to be in the Superman movie but I read the script and realized that it was mysteriously similar to my screenplay for Zach Braff the Movie.

— Zach Braff

It’s always weird being the only white person in a group. It feels like everyone’s looking to me for guidance.

— Zach Braff

It has been pretty much downhill ever since the 13th amendment.

— Zach Braff

Look on the bright side; that’s one bullet that’s not going to hit me.

— Zach Braff

I have a great relationship with my parents. I have not been on lithium.

— Zach Braff

I’m always being told by directors that I add chemistry to scenes, so I mean how difficult could it be?

— Zach Braff

I know the Bible isn’t real because it never once mentions me.

— Zach Braff

There is one person I can think of better than me. And that’s Zach Braff. What a cool guy.

— Zach Braff

I like the punch beggers and panhandlers when they ask me for change. I feel like I am doing my part to clean up the streets.

— Zach Braff

Seriously, when’s the last time you saw me wear shorts?

— Zach Braff

Over half a century on and they’re still complaining about it. Compare it to the fact that Garden State didn’t win an Oscar and they seem a little petty if you ask me. I guess that just goes to show what kind of people they really are.

— Zach Braff

They don’t know I’m staring, what does it matter if I keep on doing it?

— Zach Braff

Put God and me in a cage, what do you think who will win. God, because I created him.

— Zach Braff

If it were up to me, it’d be outlawed. I mean, come on. Zach Braff was born streamlined, and that’s how it should stay!

— Zach Braff

Honestly, the only way Garden State could have been better was if I played every character. I’m awesome.

— Zach Braff

The only women I publicly date are those who have a higher IMDB rating than me.

— Zach Braff

Yeah, I saw the guy running out of the building carrying a rifle, I just didn’t say anything to the cops because I was so happy that I wasn’t the one who got shot.

— Zach Braff
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