Inside every fat person there’s a thin person looking to get out – They’ve just eaten them.
I don’t know if we will ever try again because those sort of things are very hard to organise but yes, I’ve known Doon for years and John as well but I hadn’t met Will before, and he turned out to be a good laugh.
I did try when I wasn’t doing the singing to do as much comedy as I could because I thought with Comic Relief you are duty bound to anyway.
There are so many cliches associated with mental health – such as the ‘fine line between lunacy and genius’ – which are, on the whole, a load of rubbish.
There are problems with nursing – such as the issue of nurses all having to do degrees these days. But that doesn’t mean to say the entire infrastructure of nursing is falling about and that it is populated by unfeeling psychopaths, which is, frankly, the implication sometimes.
So, my style has hopefully changed over the years and it is more relaxed, and I do tend to smile and have more than one expression these days hopefully – which I didn’t at the beginning.
There have been some very extreme hecklers in audiences whose bile was so hateful and so meant that it would be a bit frightening to think that all I’m doing is jokes and yet someone hates me that much.
British ferries have stopped transporting live animals to the Continent. This has made it very difficult for England fans to get to Away matches.
My ex-boyfriend can round last night, which was weird because I didn’t know he was in a coma.
When I got married, the Sun ran the headline: ‘Here comes the bride, all fat and wide.’ Luckily, it was a few days after the wedding – but it was still hideous to read at a great romantic moment.
I think some people ramp a side of themselves up for performance purposes.
I remember when Victoria Wood started to come through, and I thought she was great, though she and I are very different in our approach.
I used to get a lot of people saying ‘Oh, you are such a lucky granny.’ But the fact of the matter is you can be a grandma at 35 these days.
I like to read my diary occasionally to remind myself what a miserable, alienated old sod I used to be.
When you get to know someone, you find there’s something nasty in their woodshed.
You look across the board at comedy quiz shows, and they are mainly hosted by men.
Wild men are so enormously attractive.
What could be funnier than a fat person trying to run a marathon?
Men are fantastic – as a concept.
The comedian sticks as religiously to her theme as a dancer sticks to a diet.
God, what a depressing day that was and what an irony that Britain’s first female prime minister had to be Margaret Thatcher. She was the woman who asked, ‘What has feminism ever done for me?’ Well, dear, if you need to ask that question then you’re obviously not very bright.