Christ and The Church: If he were to apply for a divorce on the grounds of cruelty, adultery and desertion, he would probably get one.
An apology for the devil: it must be remembered that we have heard one side of the case. God has written all the books.
Prayers are to men as dolls are to children.
It is a wise tune that knows its own father, and I like my music to be the legitimate offspring of respectable parents.
They say the test of literary power is whether a man can write an inscription. I say, ‘Can he name a kitten?’
It has been said that the love of money is the root of all evil. The want of money is so quite as truly.
Our minds want clothes as much as our bodies.
Belief like any other moving body follows the path of least resistance.
People care more about being thought to have taste than about being thought either good, clever or amiable.
Work with some men is as besetting a sin as idleness.
A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those worth committing.
The sinews of art and literature, like those of war, are money.
Nobody shoots at Santa Claus.
Opinions have vested interests just as men have.
Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.
We are not won by arguments that we can analyse but by tone and temper, by the manner which is the man himself.
The worst thing that can happen to a man is to lose his money, the next worst his health, the next worst his reputation.
Self-preservation is the first law of nature.
No mistake is more common and more fatuous than appealing to logic in cases which are beyond her jurisdiction.
I do not mind lying, but I hate inaccuracy.
A friend who cannot at a pinch remember a thing or two that never happened is as bad as one who does not know how to forget.