I only know that all is lost, and that nothing can help me unless I inherit money, strike oil or go to work.
Humor springs from rage, hay fever, overdue rent and miscellaneous hell.
The stork is voiceless because there is really nothing to say.
Never call anyone a baboon unless you are sure of your facts.
We all make mistakes, but intelligence enables us to do it on purpose.
A hermit is simply a person to whom civilization has failed to adjust itself.
The Dodo never had a chance. He seems to have been invented for the sole purpose of becoming extinct and that was all he was good for.
My philosophy of life can be summed up in four words: It can’t be helped.
Borrowing has a bad name, but you would be surprised how it helps in a pinch.
The Ancient Egyptians considered it good luck to meet a swarm of Bees on the road. What they considered bad luck I couldn’t say.
It’s easy to see the faults in people I know; it’s hardest to see the good. Especially when the good isn’t there.
The trouble with the dictionary is that you have to know how a word is spelled before you can look it up to see how it is spelled.
The hippopotamus looks monogamous- he looks as if he would have to be.
The wren-box problem is becoming more acute each year, for wrens now demand better housing conditions and labor-saving devices.
The Love bird is one hundred percent faithful to his mate-who is locked into the same cage.
Orangutans teach us that looks are not everything-but warned near it.
The sloth lives his life upside down. He is perfectly comfortable that way. If the blood rushes to his head, nothing happens because there is nothing to work on.
A few Cobras in your home will soon clear it of Rats and Mice. Of course, you will still have the Cobras.
I do not travel. I am not much of an extrovert, and I’m not much interested in extroverted objects. I do not care for the ‘ideas’ of novelists. Novels are wonderful, of course, but I prefer newspapers.
I am billed as a humorist, but of course I am a tragedian at heart.
I hear so many things about who I am supposed to be I hardly know what to believe. I am willing to tell all, but what Is it? Doubtless all these myths and legends will be straightened out eventually, but It may take years.