If you’re a woman and a guy’s ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it.
I have Twitter so I can tell people what I want them to buy and they give me money.
When people are getting richer and richer but they’re not actually producing anything, it can’t end well.
Sadness is poetic. You’re lucky to live sad moments. When you let yourself be sad, your body has antibodies. It has happiness that comes rushing in to meet the sadness.
Apple embodies a lot of what have been defined as feminine traits: an emphasis on intuitive design, intellect, a strong sense of creativity, and that striving to always make the greatest version of something.
The Jackass movies are honestly some of the best movies I’ve ever seen. I laugh so hard at them. Those guys are geniuses. If they had grown up with a different group of people, they could’ve been performance artists at Bard College, and people would be writing papers about them.
The last jobs I had were fixing cars and covering football games for a local access TV station. As in driving the mobile van to the field, setting up 3 cameras, teaching depressed grownups and interns how to use them and directing the game from the van and then wanting to kill myself.
You would never do stand-up without an audience. I mean, no one would even consider it. It’s like they’re the instrument you’re playing.
I watch a lot of sports. But when I’m not working, I’m with my daughters every chance I get.
Performing comedy, you develop a rhythm of ideas and laughs. I live for it.
I love stand-up more than anything, and I’m so happy to have found a way to use it in the show.
I grew up in a generation that had exponential technological advances.
You have to do a show as honestly as you can. But you also can’t afford skepticism, because it’s preparing for failure, which is useless.
I’ve always got the road. Stand-up makes you so autonomous and self-sufficient that it really helps with that part of show business.
You don’t look down at your feet. A lot of comedians want to look down at their feet, but you break contact with the audience.
Either I’ll never get rich from the show but remain intensely proud of the work and stand behind every second of it, or it catches on and I’ll make my money down the road.
Stand-up is probably the most solo performance in art.
I do love standup. I love comedians. They’re my community. Also, because I know so many of them, I know the value of them. I know what they can do.
My show is sort of a short-film anthology, and I’m able to tell little stories that don’t necessarily carry a whole episode in terms of narrative. I like the audience not being sure what they’re getting. I think it’s more fun to watch something when you’re discovering it as you go along.
All talking is good, negative and positive. Stabbing is bad; talking is good.
When your kid is being selfish or greedy and you want to help them not be that way, you have to find a way to articulate it and inspire them.