All of a sudden I discovered that I’m allergic to caviar. It was the perfect metaphor for my life. When I was only able to afford bad caviar, I could certainly eat my fill of it.
Woody Allen likes to do a lot of master shots. He likes to get the whole thing in one take, and so you could be going along doing a scene, and then the next to last line, all of a sudden, you stumble, and you have to go back to first base.
I was very fortunate to hook up with Jerry in the first place. The network was already committed to doing something with him, so I skipped a couple of hundred steps right there.
I still think of that guy I was without a wife or kids, and I still want to entertain that guy. The lonely guy, the frustrated guy, the guy with no money – this is the guy who needs to laugh.
When I was living in New York and didn’t have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something. And I’d think, that’ll be good, that’ll be a good spot for me when I’m homeless.
I guess I still feel that I’m a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that. That doesn’t mean that I like it, but I feel that’s what I am.
The lunch in a normal American restaurant is very problematic for me. I don’t like to have hot food for lunch.
The only change I can really see is that I don’t have to shop for pants in stores anymore.
There are times when I’m driving home after a day’s shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would’ve been so much better if I had written it out.
Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.
Whenever something good happens to me, it’s usually followed by something terrible.
You have to discover when you’re inadequate to be funny and you don’t know you’re inadequate when you’re a kid.
In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three times as long as service in the regular army, although to be perfectly honest, I was unable to fulfill my entire obligation because I was taking acting classes and they said I could skip my last year.
I don’t like to analyze my music too much. It just comes welling up out of the depths of my soul.
I have no sense of well-being. There’s no chance the well will run dry.
Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don’t want to in order to figure out what it is you’re supposed to do.
Making a woman laugh. What is that about? And the prettier the woman, the more satisfaction I get. It doesn’t make any sense, but I’m being honest.
I once stopped to pick up a girl, and then there was this creepy-looking guy standing behind the bushes waiting to jump out and get in, too. So I just quickly drove away.
I couldn’t walk up to a woman at a bar and say hello.
Zero, zero belief in myself. And it’s changed somewhat, but there’s still a lot of that in me.
Luck always plays a part for everyone, whether they want to admit it or not. I was very lucky, and I know it.