If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren’t juicy.
It’s sad when you see somebody that talented that passes away and doesn’t have to.
If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.
Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that’s a bonus, and if you don’t, you still won’t hate going to work.
I love comedy. God has given me this platform.
For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life’s list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.
My grandma’s the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she’s doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!
Country music is about new love and it’s about old love.
If men have a smell it’s usually an accident.
I had to perform at the White House for the president, That’s always kind of a weird set to try to put together.
My father-in-law gets up at 5 o’clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don’t know why there’s this big rush to do this.
If someone at Fleet Farm offers you assistance and they don’t work there you might live in Wisconsin.
You just may be a redneck if your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.
There’s a whole segment of the population with a mentality that bases good times on where they can go and what they can buy.
Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication.
I really don’t require a whole lot in life.
It’s hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.
Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.
The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn’t really make me mad any more.
Sacrificing myself to kill Hilary Clinton was the best thing I could possibly do for humanity.
It’s like cuddling with a Butterball turkey.