I think Hell exists on Earth. It’s a psychological state, or it can be a physical state. People who have severe mental illness are in Hell. People who have lost a loved one are in Hell. I think there are all kinds of different hells. It’s not a place you go to after you die.

— Al Franken

Al Franken Quotes

No whining on the yacht.

— Al Franken

I know this seems quaint, but back in 2008, Republicans did not consider “demeaning and degrading women” to be senatorial, let alone presidential.

— Al Franken

If we don’t start caring about whether people tell the truth or not, it’s going to be literally impossible to restore anything approaching reasonable political discourse.

— Al Franken

So I’ve always been interested in politics. And I thank my parents for that. As you can see, there’s a strong element of moral indignation behind this interest, and indignation is well and good in doses, but I noticed fairly early in life that some people live to find stuff to be indignant about. And it’s pretty unattractive. That’s why I decided to become a wiseass.

— Al Franken

Paul’s greatest contribution to the progressive cause wasn’t what he accomplished in the senate, although he accomplished a lot. It’s the way he inspired others to take action, and taught them to be effective, and gave them the confidence to stand up and shout about what they believed it.

— Al Franken

The people of Minnesota value a politician who believes what he says and says what he believes and votes that way.

— Al Franken

Having children is life’s greatest joy. But there are some people, and maybe you are one of them, who don’t like kids, and consider travel life’s greatest joy. You shouldn’t have kids. Don’t have them.

— Al Franken

Also, like Bush, Bauer is open to a little good-natured ribbing. Even about his religion. According to Prophecy, at the moment of the Rapture everyone who has taken Christ as his savior will immediately ascend to heaven. So if you’re in an airplane, and your pilot has accepted Christ, you’re in trouble.

— Al Franken

Either way, senators certainly do a lot less drugs than we did at SNL.

— Al Franken

I also discovered how much I could learn from listening to other people’s stories – even people who at first blush didn’t seem like the kind of people you could learn much of anything from.

— Al Franken

I compensated for this by absorbing as much.

— Al Franken

My point is, the Senate is filled not just with lawyers, but with old white men. Chapter 28 The Angel and the Devil Actors often claim not to read their own reviews.

— Al Franken

Unions gave us the forty-hour workweek, the weekend, and the middle class.

— Al Franken

Franni knew I loved these tours, but one year she said to me in frustration, “You don’t see Bill O’Reilly going on USO tours.” “That’s not fair, honey,” I said. “He has no talent.

— Al Franken

Once you even acknowledge that there is a line, that there are things you shouldn’t be allowed to joke about, that there are words that can’t be said no matter the context, you’re selling out the very idea of comedy.

— Al Franken

Mike Mansfield had a saying: “It only takes one senator to make a scene. But it takes more than one to make a difference.” Okay, he never said that. I made it up.

— Al Franken

Some readers might think that because I am so successful, I have never made a mistake.

— Al Franken

Yes, Roger Ailes, who actually was very funny and who, as far as I know, did not sexually harass anyone during the two hours he was with us. Between.

— Al Franken

You’re not supposed to have to be rich or lucky to have a chance to do great things. Opportunity is supposed to be for everyone. And that’s why I’m a Democrat.

— Al Franken

Mitch McConnell’s innovation was in using it constantly to slow down things that did have bipartisan support, just to make sure as little as possible happened that Obama could get credit for. You.

— Al Franken
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