She said, ‘I’m your biggest fan,’ and I said, ‘Who are you?’ She said, ‘Paris Hilton.’
People think that it’s fun to meet celebrities – but what do you mean by “celebrity”? Someone you recognise? What are they famous for? It’s people who’ve done something that are exciting.
To complain about critics in a business is like a sailor complaining about the waves. Go back to the beach if you don’t like it.
I have to be excited, I have to have an adrenaline rush about doing something, or it bores me, I feel trapped.
I’ve never regretted saying no to anything, or finishing something. When I’m in the middle of doing something I love, I can have a better idea, and I’ll go, “Oh God, I can’t finish this.” Maybe I’ve got some sort of disorder.
Even if it’s such a lowly art as TV, you’ve got to get stuff off your chest, because that’s what makes something different and original, your particular take on stuff.
I went to university with no money. I can’t understand a society that wouldn’t give a poor person the same opportunity as a rich person.
Most people sitting at home aren’t cool, successful, witty Hollywood stars, but they all worry about what people think of them when they faux pas.
Growing up, the most important thing, after taking care of your family and getting a decent job of work, was having a laugh. That was the point to life.
I feel sorry for people in power. I feel sorry for the Queen, in a way, that she hasn’t had a normal life. It’d difficult for me to hate anyone. Immediately someone’s unpopular, I feel sorry for them.
I’ve never done anything for the common consensus. I do things to please me. If you are happy with something yourself, you become bulletproof.
I always chose all my friends on whether they were funny. What’s a better way to pass the time than laughing or smiling?
If you’re surrounded by idiots, you’re the unpopular one and the odd one out because idiots don’t like smart asses.
Body language is more powerful than words.
I didn’t have toys and bikes; I’d go out and pick up rocks. I was into science and nature. It was my first love. I was going to be a vet and a marine biologist. I went to university and studied biology for two weeks and I just thought: “I’ve been conned!”
It’s quite easy to make a load of people laugh, it’s often a reflex action, but I think to make them cry is harder without manipulating them.
I never think of myself as a celebrity – or even an actor, actually. I think of myself as a writer-director.
Hotel bars are pretty good. No one bothers me there. Restaurants are safe. People are quite respectful when you’re eating. But what I never do now is go to a busy bar on the weekend, or after 8 o’clock at night. That’s the danger zone. Also being trapped. Never go on the Metro, or a bus.
Whatever else is happening, things are better in the sun.
Growing up, the two things that made my blood boil were religious intolerance and animal cruelty. I’ve never understood it. I can’t stand to have an animal in pain.
I think the job of a comedian is to make people laugh, but also challenge them to laugh at things they didn’t know they could until now.