Remember, folks, I am a comedian, not a journalist.
I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly.
My act has always reflected what’s going on in my life.
To give up my job as a temp and actually make a living doing comedy, it was staggering.
Do you remember a little phenom called step aerobics? If you do, then you know how crazy it was to take two ninety-minute classes in a row. It’s incredible that I didn’t die from a blunt injury to the back of my head from slipping on my own pool of sweat.
Life is adventure. Travel is adventure at a different address.
Well, I think that when I perform on the road I always thank the audience for buying a ticket because it’s a big deal to buy a ticket for a live entertainment, get a baby-sitter and pay for the meal, the parking, whatever.
I’m not somebody who no matter where I go there are paparazzi or any of that nonsense. But I have a little window into that world and I can enter it and dance around. I want to be the audience’s ticket into the party.
I’ll be honest, there’s a part of me that does think I’m held to a different standard than my contemporaries and peers, and it’s a little frustrating.
I am what you call a non-believer. I don’t even want to say I’m an atheist because frankly I don’t want to join their club either. But the point is, I am a fallen catholic, I’m not religious, and that’s all well and good.
When I see you, I smile. When I touch you, I feel you. When I kiss you, I love you!
I have what I call A-list moments, but believe me, I’m still on the D-list.
No one teaches you how to do this. How do you let go of someone who you love so much?
If there is a gay army, I am their warrior princess.
I think a Celebrity Survivor would be great.
I’m basically always on tour.
The thing that cracks me up is how these reality characters start out thrilled and excited just to be on television, and how they move to thinking they are as big as the Friends.
The thing that bums me out about ‘The Real World’ is I don’t want to believe that teenagers are that stupid.
That’s what I loved about Temptation Island. I don’t even know why they did it.
I did feel very sexy and desirable. Those prisoners looked at me like no man ever did. I don’t care how many people they killed.
I love Mariah Carey. Remember the breakdown? I loved the breakdown.