I don’t want to die tomorrow knowing I could’ve had a piece of cake tonight.
Be personal, and original. Try to work clean. Stay away from topical material, as it does not allow you to craft it to make it better for later. And always remember that it is the fans who will make you or break you.
People think if you have money, it’ll fix the problems, but it creates different ones.
If you Google the word “fluffy,” I’m the first thing that pops up. It’s me, dogs and rabbits.
I eat a lot of junk food, because that’s what’s usually available at 1:00am when I’m all done working.
I’m never home. I miss birthdays. I miss holidays. I miss anniversaries. I miss special moments. I’m not always there for important times, because I’m out on the road trying to make people laugh. I give up my privacy. I give up the ability to walk somewhere and relax.
Honestly, I really don’t like acting. I don’t enjoy it. What I do like is going to a movie theatre and seeing my face on a poster. I like seeing my name on a poster. That is cool.
I went up on stage, and said, “Why did the chicken cross the road? To check out the chicks.” I was a genius at 10. Try telling that at 21, and you look hacky and stupid. That was the only joke I’ve ever told. Everything since has been character voices, doing impressions or just telling stories.
Finding places to perform was definitely the biggest challenge. Trying to find my voice over the years was a big thing because when I started I was just doing characters and impressions and that was it.
For about three years I was performing at one bar in East Los Angeles that was like a mean dive bar. You’re in there performing for drunks or bikers, not the most flattering people. I think it helped build my confidence, because you have to get their attention, then make them laugh.
My material never comes out verbatim every time. I always tweak in a line, or tweak away a line, gain a couple tags or lose a couple tags. The timing is always off.
Early on when I started talking about my weight, it was self-deprecating; everything was a joke.
I try not to get political, I don’t want to get religious, I don’t want to get controversial, I just want to have a show that relates to everybody.
Drinking can bring out a dude that has some issues.
If I’m drinking I can either be the nicest guy ever or I’m the guy you should leave alone.
As a comedian, especially one that works as much as I do, there is a lot of sacrifice. People don’t see that I’m away from my family 46 weeks out of the year. I miss all the birthdays and anniversaries and holidays.
When you go to Hawaii, it’s all about “Aloha.” It means hello, goodbye and I love you.
TV and film for me are not as exciting as the live stand-up show and getting the immediate reaction of the crowd. TV is a lot of hurry up and wait for your shot and less immediate reaction from people.
Drama is not my passion. If I do it, it’s for a check. It’s not what I want to do. Comedy’s my thing. Stand up’s my thing. Everything that comes from that is frosting on the cake.
I go on the road all the time, but I’m only performing for two hours a night, and then I’ll do a meet-and-greet, and then I’ll get a bite to eat, get drunk, pass out, wake up the next day, sleeping the next day, sleeping off the hangover, and then I’m in the next city.
I just like The Little Mermaid cartoon. Say what you want. I have a fish tank, it’s a long story. I have a fascination with the ocean, and you put a hot chick in there, it just adds more to it! I liked The Little Mermaid. It’s a cool movie. It’s one of those I watch over and over again.