I feel like my eyes have gonorrhea.
Being a complete juvenile delinquent helped me grow up a little.
I have a full grown, semi-nude man bound with duct tape in my truck and I was trying to get out to the desert to bury him. How do I get to 5 South?
A lot of stand-up comedy guys, when they get a little famous, just give up their stand-up career, and it cancels out the thing that set them apart.
People think by challenging me they’re going to show they’re tough. But I’m not tough. Decent drinker. Not such a bad kisser. But not a great fighter.
I am nothing that isn’t professional.
I want to do dramas. I want to do comedies.
I don’t care what other people think.
Coal mining is tough. Acting is just tedious.
I love Louisiana. It’s amazing.
I actually got stabbed at my friend’s bachelor party. In real life.
It’s a real primal thing, watching someone get hurt. It’s funny and accessible.
I do get obsessed with constantly thinking of ideas, all day long, but that’s just how it is.
I’m lucky enough to be with someone, and I am happy.
Everyone gets hurt, but I’ve probably had the most injuries.
I love the tabloids except for when I’m in ’em.
I have a whole slew of doctors. I can count eight in my phone right now – eight different doctors, all for different parts of my body. I have specialists.
Suffering will get you great footage. I don’t know about closer to God. Although there have been times when I’ve suffered to the point where I think I might be about to meet him.
I’m the fun dad, I am also the disciplinarian.
People go to car races to watch the crashes.
I think everyone roots for the underdog.