If you see me doing a new stand-up special, it probably means I’ve been out of work for a while.
Most of the women placed in the fire department here in New York never passed the physical test. And a fat guy or a short guy, or anybody not passing the test in a life-or-death job, leads to friction.
My career plan at this point is ‘Ice Age 5’ through ‘10,’ and even ‘12,’ and ‘Spider Man’ – you know, basically I’d be Emma Stone’s dad for the rest of my career. I really don’t have any problem doing that.
My dad was very much a John Wayne kind of guy, but he was also a great guy, great sense of humor, a real dedicated dad. I don’t think he ever missed a hockey game I was in.
My kids watch everything downloaded; they have no idea what the numbers or the names of the channels mean, except, ‘FX makes the show that I see on my computer.’ So it’s harder to get a show on the air, but at the same time, there are a lot of terrific shows.
My nieces and my nephews think the only thing that I do is ‘Ice Age.’ That’s fine with me because pretty soon they’ll grow up enough to realize that I suck or that my time has passed, whichever it might be.
One of those things that I like about TV is that if you get a group of people you like, you can work with these people for months at a time, and you can discover their strengths and weaknesses, and you can use those in the direction where you take the characters.
One thing that’s great about firefighters: If they don’t have the equipment they desperately need, they don’t have the help, they don’t care. They’ll do it on their own.
Science fiction was never my thing. I have no interest in it. So I don’t think I could successfully pull off being on a project like that without really losing my mind.
It would be great if firefighters across the country had the guarantee that they would be making enough money to support their family right from the get-go, but that’s not the case.
I guess you get pigeon-holed in Hollywood, but I’m ok with that because I’ve been able to do a lot. I started in the theater, then I went to stand-up comedy, and then when I went into the movies to do comedy and drama and big movies and small movies.
I think daycare is great for people who have to work two jobs. My problem is with people who are dropping kids off at daycare because they want to go out and spend the day golfing or getting their nails done. You know what I mean? That’s not why they invented daycare.
I wanted to be a hockey player. Where I grew up, the basketball courts were rarely used. I was terrible in school and actually said, ‘I’m going to be a hockey player.’
I’d love to play in a Red Sox game. It would be so awesome to actually walk out on the field and play, just for one inning. I’d also steal everything I could get my hands on in the clubhouse, which is why they won’t let me do it.
I’m born and raised in the Northeast. My parents are Irish immigrants. So our tendency is to shy away from the big yellow ball that comes up in the sky every once in a while.
I’m not saying being a comedian is brain surgery, but it is definitely – it’s like being a carpenter. You learn how to make tables and chairs. You have to have the right tools, and you have to know how to put the thing together, right?
I’m praying for ‘Ice Age’ 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10. Because I really think we can run those characters into the ’60s, and I’m talking the 1960s, you know? The Civil Rights Movement. That’s what I’m praying for, because then I wouldn’t have to do anything else.
The biggest battle for a lot of people who come out of the theater, which is where I was trained, is that they can never forget that a camera is pointed at them.
Youth is NOT wasted on the young. That’s why they can party all night and still find their cell phones in the morning.
Because in the end, that’s the only legacy anyone leaves behind: family. How you treated and loved your significant other bears a spiritual witness even after you’ve departed. And if you have children, how they are raised speaks an enduring volume about your moral backbone and beliefs. As do your closest friends and relatives. Charity also counts: To whom much is given, much is expected in return. I picked up that nugget from my parents.
You know it’s Ash Wednesday? Really? I just thought people suddenly decided to start putting cigarettes out on their foreheads.