There was an old Woman who lived in a shoe She had so many children Her government subsidy check came to $4,892.
When I was a boy I used to do what my father wanted. Now I have to do what my boy wants. My problem is: When am I going to do what I want?
You can’t start at the top.
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way.
I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?
We should not permit prayer to be taken out of the schools; that’s the only way most of us got through.
It’s a good thing that when God created the rainbow he didn’t consult a decorator or he would still be picking colors.
Times don’t change. Men do.
What we should have fought for was representation without taxation.
Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don’t compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest.
The Puritans came to America to worship in their way and to force everybody else to do the same thing.
If you want to kill time, try working it to death.
How wise are thy commandments, Lord. Each of them applies to somebody I know.
The American success formula is first to get a home of your own, then to get a car of your own so you don’t have to stay in that home of your own.
The whole world is watching America, and America is watching TV.
More and more Congressmen now stay in Washington all year-round because they can’t stay at home under the laws they’ve passed.
When I came home and showed my mother my report card with a mark of 98 in arithmetic, she wanted to know who had gotten the other two points.
The reason God made man before woman was that he didn’t want any suggestions.
The beauty of America is that the average person always thinks she is above average.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands: one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
Love at first sight is easy to understand. It’s when two people have been looking at each other for years that it becomes a miracle.