I don’t do much. I’m too lazy. That’s my problem. Hang around my couch, watching the TV. Just too lazy. I realized this the other day, I get hit my a truck tomorrow – a big truck could hit me – paralyze me from the neck down. Wouldn’t effect my lifestyle a bit really.

— Norm MacDonald

Norm MacDonald Quotes

There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.

— Norm MacDonald

It got very tedious saying the same jokes in the same way with the same attitude.

— Norm MacDonald

They that are virtuous from principle may receive confidence in every capacity; but they that are so from custom or habit, are capable of trust only in matters of ordinary and settled occurrence.

— Norm MacDonald

Our passions may be compared to certain slaves – the more severity we show them, the better they obey us.

— Norm MacDonald

Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.

— Norm MacDonald

Never raise expectations in others that you cannot realize: promise is less pleasing than disappointment is vexatious.

— Norm MacDonald

The promises we break are usually such as we are most forward in making.

— Norm MacDonald

Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.

— Norm MacDonald

If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.

— Norm MacDonald

There is a very prevalent tenet with youth, that good company is every thing desirable, and that bad is even better than none.

— Norm MacDonald

Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.

— Norm MacDonald

Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.

— Norm MacDonald

Few people love with the violence they hate.

— Norm MacDonald

During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.

— Norm MacDonald

Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.

— Norm MacDonald

It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.

— Norm MacDonald

Education makes some men wiser, others more ridiculous and foolish!

— Norm MacDonald

The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.

— Norm MacDonald

As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.

— Norm MacDonald

The soul is never perfectly secure from the influence of passion; the occasional tranquility she seems to enjoy, is rather relaxation than imperturbable triumph.

— Norm MacDonald
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