Whenever I do theaters, I don’t like ’em. I don’t think they’re right for stand-up.
There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
It got very tedious saying the same jokes in the same way with the same attitude.
They that are virtuous from principle may receive confidence in every capacity; but they that are so from custom or habit, are capable of trust only in matters of ordinary and settled occurrence.
Our passions may be compared to certain slaves – the more severity we show them, the better they obey us.
Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
Never raise expectations in others that you cannot realize: promise is less pleasing than disappointment is vexatious.
The promises we break are usually such as we are most forward in making.
Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.
If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.
There is a very prevalent tenet with youth, that good company is every thing desirable, and that bad is even better than none.
Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
Few people love with the violence they hate.
During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.
Education makes some men wiser, others more ridiculous and foolish!
The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.
As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
The soul is never perfectly secure from the influence of passion; the occasional tranquility she seems to enjoy, is rather relaxation than imperturbable triumph.