From the slope of Haleakala, the Old Broad watched the activity in the channel with a two-hundred-power celestial telescope and a pair of “big eyes” binoculars that looked like stereo bazookas on precision mounts that were anchored into a ton of concrete.

— Christopher Moore

Christopher Moore Quotes

You know, there’s a 12 step program for gambling. You should look into that. Twelve steps. Coyote laughed. I’ll bet I can do it in six.

— Christopher Moore

Like God’s own chocolate, I’d lick her shadow off a hot sidewalk.

— Christopher Moore

Routine feeds the illusion of safety...

— Christopher Moore

The medium obscured the message.

— Christopher Moore

Ack! Parables. I hate parables.

— Christopher Moore

You’re going to break my heart, aren’t you?

— Christopher Moore

Blessed are the meek, for to them we shall say “attaboy”.

— Christopher Moore

Just because he was pretty didn’t mean he couldn’t be improved by a smack upside the head with a piece of earnest hickory.

— Christopher Moore

He had risked his freedom and his pride to buy her this, to acknowledge that part of her that everyone else seemed to want to get rid of.

— Christopher Moore

This story is not and never was meant to challenge anyone’s faith; however, if one’s faith can be shaken by stories in a humorous novel, one may have a bit more praying to do.

— Christopher Moore

Why understand when you can believe?

— Christopher Moore

Anger is the spirits telling you that you are alive.

— Christopher Moore

Foul and magical fumes bubbled out of the kettle, like the flatulence of a dragon on a demon-only diet.

— Christopher Moore

Then someone started pounding on the door. And not a little “Hey, what’s up?” pound. Like there was a big sale on door pounds down at the Pound Outlet. Buy one, get one free at Pounds-n-Stuff. – Being the Journal of Abby Normal.

— Christopher Moore

All killer whales are named Kevin. You knew that, right?

— Christopher Moore

We know there’s going to be nothing but pain, but we go back again and again.

— Christopher Moore

You were supposed to empathize with your friend’s problem, but they were, after all, your friend’s problems...

— Christopher Moore

Life is messy. Would that every puzzle piece fell into place, every word was kind, every accident happy, but such is not the case. Life is messy.

— Christopher Moore

This Roberto. He no like the light.

— Christopher Moore

I fear you may become a lonely man, even in the company of others.

— Christopher Moore
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