Life’s too damn funny for me to explain.
In order to influence a child, one must be careful not to be that child’s parent or grandparent.
In all systems of theology the devil figures as a male person. Yes, it is women who keep the church going.
Honesty is a good thing, but it is not profitable to its possessor unless it is kept under control.
A demagogue is a person with whom we disagree as to which gang should mismanage the country.
Of middle age the best that can be said is that a middle-aged person has likely learned how to have a little fun in spite of his troubles.
One of the most important things to remember about infant care is: don’t change diapers in midstream.
I would rather start a family than finish one.
Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.
It would be a colorless world if each individual did not secretly believe himself superior to almost everyone else.
Poetry is what Milton saw when he went blind.
Yes, he’s got all them different kinds of thoroughbred blood in him, and he’s got other kinds you ain’t mentioned and that you ain’t slick enough to see.
The most pleasant and useful persons are those who leave some of the problems of the universe for God to worry about.
An old stomach reforms more whiskey drinkers than a new resolve.
A certain alloy of expediency improves the gold of morality and makes it wear all the longer.
You want to know whether I believe in ghosts? Of course I do not believe in them. If you had known as many of them as I have, you would not believe in them either.
No form of government matters nearly as much as the spirit and intelligence brought to the administration of any form of government.
Insects have their own point of view about civilization a man thinks he amounts to a great deal but to a flea or a mosquito a human being is merely something good to eat.
Blood will tell, but often it tells too much.
There was once a Hindu sage, who sat down on the banks of the Ganges and thought for seventy years about the millennium. Just as he arrived at the solution and was putting it into verse, a mosquito stung him and he forgot it again at once.
I suppose the human race is doing the best it can but hells bells thats only an explanation its not an excuse.