I’m glad I don’t have to explain to a man from Mars why each day I set fire to dozens of little pieces of paper, and then put them in my mouth.
To talk easily with people, you must firmly believe that either you or they are interesting. And even then it’s not easy.
No matter how many Christmas presents you give your child, there’s always that terrible moment when he’s opened the very last one. That’s when he expects you to say, ‘Oh yes, I almost forgot,’ and take him out and show him the pony.
Even in the same family, one child will always instinctively know when to ask for things, and another won’t.
A bore: one who knows as well as you do what he is going to say next.
My thoughts, I guess, are bitter: who but the bitter have thoughts?
Anything you do from the heart enriches you, but sometimes not till years later.
There are always a few people you do a lot for, and a few who do a lot for you, but they’re not the same people.
The fault we admit to is seldom the fault we have, but it has a certain relationship to it, a somewhat similar shape, like that of a sleeve to an arm.
Boredom is often the cause of promiscuity, and always its result.
The next voice you hear will undoubtedly be your own.
There are children born to be children, and others who must mark time till they can take their natural places as adults.
When the pressures really mount, the neurotic must choose: Shall he have a good cry, or set fire to his neighbor’s house?
At night, neurotics may toil not, but oh how they spin!
Neurotics have plenty of non-neurotic friends, but not for long.
People keep telling us about their love affairs, when what we really want to know is how much money they make and how they manage on it.
We cough because we can’t help it, but others do it on purpose.
A good executive is one who makes people contentedly settle for less than they meant to get, in return for more than they meant to give.
Women are good listeners, but it’s a waste of time telling your troubles to a man unless there’s something specific you want him to do.
Healthy parakeets have the nervous energy of tennis players.
Pessimism is like optimism, only less dangerous.