You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
I told you I was sick.
One day the “Don’t Knows” will get in and then where will we be?
I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
It was a perfect marrige. She didn’t want to and he couldn’t.
If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
I can speak Esperanto like a native.
If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
God made nightButMan made darkness.
If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
A lot of learning canbe a little thing.
Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in.
I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.