Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
I told you I was sick.
One day the “Don’t Knows” will get in and then where will we be?
I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
It was a perfect marrige. She didn’t want to and he couldn’t.
If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
I can speak Esperanto like a native.
If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
God made nightButMan made darkness.
If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
A lot of learning canbe a little thing.
Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in.
I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.