To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.
All anger is not sinful, because some degree of it, and on some occasions, is inevitable. But it becomes sinful and contradicts the rule of Scripture when it is conceived upon slight and inadequate provocation, and when it continues long.
I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.
There’s nothing so comfortable as a small bankroll. A big one is always in danger.
He’s a trellis for varicose veins.
Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.
I had never considered marriage, but I had an open mind, and I was to learn after a brief try at it that most open minds should be closed for repairs.
Anybody who can write home for money can write for magazines.
Money is the only substance which can keep a cold world from nicknaming a citizen Hey, you.
Women can instantly see through each other, and it’s surprising how little they observe that’s pleasant.
A good party is where you enjoy good people, and they taste even better with Champagne.
The day which we fear as our last is but the bday of eternity. – By SenecaThe first hundred years are the hardest.
The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.
Easy street is a blind alley.
The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.
The only bird that gives the poor a real tumble is the stork.
It is criminal negligence to leave suckers lying around to tempt honest men.
Florida was invented for Addison Mizner’s little brother.
It’s getting so people no longer count the silverware when I come to dinner.
Count 10 over him – he’ll get up.
Over in Hollywood they almost made a great picture, but they caught it in time.