The opposite of self-assertiveness is self-abnegation – abandoning or submerging your personal values, judgment, and interests. Some people tell themselves this is a virtue. It is a “virtue” that corrodes self-esteem.
Genuine self-esteem is what we feel about ourselves when everything is not all right.
Sometimes people who feel fear in the human realm drop to a very low level of consciousness in their relationships and seek the safety and security of competence in the impersonal word of machines, mathematics, or abstract thought.
The higher our self-esteem, the more likely we are to be creative in our work, which means the more successful we are likely to be. The higher our self-esteem, the more ambitious we tend to be, not necessarily in a career or financial sense, but in terms of what we hope to experience in life – emotionally, creatively and spiritually.
So far as we can ascertain, in primitive cultures the idea of romantic love did not exist at all.
Our liabilities pose the problem of inadequacy; our our assets, the challenge of responsibility. Our strengths or virtues can make us feel alone, alienated, cut off from the common herd, a target for envy and hostility, and our desire to belong can overcome any desire to actualise our highest potential.
What we make an effort to learn and what we achieve is based, at least in part, on what we think is possible and appropriate to us.
I can be loved by my family, my mate, and my friends, and yet not love myself. I can be admired by my associates and yet regard myself as worthless.
Conscious individuals know that if they wish to advance in their careers they cannot rest on yesterday’s knowledge and skills. An overattachment to the known and familiar has become costly and dangerous; it threatens both organizations and individuals with obsolescence. Scientific.
While healthy self-assertiveness requires the ability to say no, it is ultimately tested not by what we are against but by what we are for.
If someone I like does not return my feeling, it may be disappointing or even painful, but it is not a reflection on my personal worth.
I am responsible for my own existence and happiness.
I accept the reality of my problems, but I am not defined by them. My problems are not my essence. My fear, pain, confusion, or mistakes are not my core.
I choose to value myself, to treat myself with respect, to stand up for my right to exist.
Sentence Completions to Facilitate the Art of Living Consciously.
No one owes me the fulfillment of my wishes.
Self-esteem is a particular way of experiencing the self. Its two components are self-efficacy and self-respect. Self-efficacy is the experience of competence in thinking, learning, making appropriate decisions, and responding effectively to the challenges of life. Self-respect is the experience of success, achievement, love, joy, fulfilment – in a word, happiness – are natural and appropriate to us.
No one is coming to save me; no one is coming to make life right for me; no one is coming to solve my problems. If I don’t do something, nothing is going to get better.
Instead of seeking self-esteem through consciousness, responsibility, and integrity, we may seek it through popularity, material acquisitions, or sexual exploits.
Someone who loves us passionately is motivated to know and understand us to a greater depth than someone with whom our relationship is more casual.
Poor self-esteem not only inhibits thought, it tends to distort it.