The man who invented the red carpet needed his head examined.
The conservation of nature, the proper care for the human environment and a general concern for the long-term future of the whole of our planet are absolutely vital if future generations are to have a chance to enjoy their existence on this earth.
I don’t claim to have any special interest in natural history, but as a boy I was made aware of the annual fluctuations in the number of game animals and the need to adjust the cull to the size of the surplus population.
In the days when the nation depended on agriculture for its wealth it made the Lord Chancellor sit on a woolsack to remind him where the wealth came from. I would like to suggest we remove that now and make him sit on a crate of machine tools.
As so often happens, I discover that it would have been better to keep my mouth shut.
Books are certainly old fashioned, but only people with a very limited perception are silly enough to condemn ideas because of their age. It is, of course, equally silly to condemn the new fangled simply because it is strange...
There is nothing like it for morale to be reminded that the years are passing – ever more quickly – and that bits are dropping off the ancient frame. But it is nice to be remembered at all.
Do people trip over you?
I’ve never been noticeably reticent about talking on subjects about which I know nothing.
It’s not a very big one, but at least it’s dead and it took an awful lot of killing!
Only a Scotsman can really survive a Scottish education.
Well, you didn’t design your beard too well, did you?
Oh no, I might catch some ghastly disease.
It makes you all look like Dracula’s daughters!
It’s my custom to say something flattering to begin with so I shall be excused if I put my foot in it later on.
Why don’t you go and live in a hostel to save cash?
So this is feminist corner then.
Anyone who is concerned about his dignity would be well advised to keep away from horses.
If anyone has a new idea in this country, there are twice as many people who keep putting a man with a red flag in front of it.
But we are not going to be able to survive on this limited planet if the population keeps on growing: there isn’t going to be anything left.
They have eating dogs for the anorexic now.