If you decide on having an alcoholic at your party, make sure it’s a large gathering. This way, until the alcoholic begins removing their clothes or dangling the cat out the window, they can sort of blend in. An alcoholic at a small gathering is called an intervention.

— Amy Sedaris

Amy Sedaris Quotes

I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed REALLY hard.

— Amy Sedaris

I listen. I like to give advice. Mostly, Ill just try to listen to my friends, and theyll say the same thing over and over again.

— Amy Sedaris

I like to entertain in all aspects. When you’re with somebody and you’re out, you want to be entertained.

— Amy Sedaris

My little brother Paul. He owns his own floor sanding business called Silly P Hardwood Floors and hes really good.

— Amy Sedaris

The moment someone says, ‘Hey, everyone, listen to the words in this song,’ your party is over.

— Amy Sedaris

I’m not a good storyteller. I always think I’m going to get interrupted, or something’s going to get edited. I think that comes from being in a large family, so you have to get your story in really quick or someone cuts you off.

— Amy Sedaris

I like crafts that are made out of necessity because they’re a little naive – you made it because you needed it.

— Amy Sedaris

I like people who would rather something be discovered than shoved in your face.

— Amy Sedaris

I need a costume to be convinced that I’m somebody else. Otherwise, it’s just me. It’s just Amy saying lines. I haven’t really become somebody else. And what’s the fun in that?

— Amy Sedaris

I’m very domestic; I love cleaning. I love cooking. I like waiting on people. I just like to make things. I don’t break that down to be weakness, or the only things women can do, or putting me back 20 years.

— Amy Sedaris

I like working with the public, I like working with food, and I like making cash.

— Amy Sedaris

I love theatrical props: a cup filled with solid fake tea, say, or a collection of fake food, including a rubber turkey, which, during the holidays, I wrap in tinfoil so it appears to have just come out of the oven.

— Amy Sedaris

I like to make things, but I looked at old craft books on weaving or mosaics or whatever, I’m like, ‘I don’t really know anything about that stuff.’

— Amy Sedaris

Sometimes it’s just enough for me to have the idea. I don’t need to see it through to the end. When it actually happens, I’m always disappointed because it’s never like what I imagined in my head. When an idea becomes a reality, then it’s a job. I’d rather just think about it.

— Amy Sedaris

I have no desire to carry a movie.

— Amy Sedaris

My kitchen’s pink, like skin-tone pink, and I lowered my spice rack so it’s eye level – it’s true! – and my phone, so I can reach it when I fall, it’s right there.

— Amy Sedaris

Crafting, or ‘making things,’ has always been a delightful pastime of mine because it requires putting common elements together in order to achieve a lovely something that nobody needs.

— Amy Sedaris

I’ve never done heroin or slept with people for money or anything.

— Amy Sedaris

An alcoholic at a small gathering is called an intervention.

— Amy Sedaris

How do you teach hope?

— Amy Sedaris
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