A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.
He’s so snobbish he has an unlisted zip-code.
Isn’t it a shame that future generations can’t be here to see all the wonderful things we’re doing with their money?
Ever notice that the whisper of temptation can be heard farther than the loudest call to duty.
A woman may race to get a man a gift but it always ends in a tie.
Today’s accent may be on youth, but the stress is still on the parents.
Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.
The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election.
Many a standing ovation has been caused by someone jumping to his feet in an effort to beat the rest of the audience to the parking lot.
Nonchalance is the ability to remain down to earth when everything else is up in the air.
Middle Age – later than you think and sooner than you expect.
Feminists say 60 percent of the country’s wealth is in the hands of women. They’re letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.
No horse can go as fast as the money you put on it.
Saying ‘Gesundheit’ doesn’t really help the common cold – but its about as good as anything the doctors have come up with.
The man who didn’t want his wife to work has been succeeded by the man who asks about her chances of getting a raise.
Somebody figured it out- we have 35 million laws trying to enforce Ten Commandments.
There’s only one kind of tax that would please everybody – one that nobody but the other guy has to pay.
He was so honest you could play craps with him over the phone.
Money in the bank is like toothpaste in the tube. Easy to take out, hard to put back.
Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
Poise: the ability to be ill at ease inconspicuously.