Every single day was just a box on the calendar that I could put a red X through; each one brought me closer to Lucas and to liberty.
Either this guy really liked me, or I was inventing things in my head because I wanted him to like me. I was much too inexperienced to guess which.
The library would’ve cheered me up, most days. I loved the heavy oaken tables, the high walls stacked with books to the ceiling, the musty smell of old pages and the heavy brass fixtures that had gone dark with age and wear.
In my opinion, all boyfriends should turn out to be secretly wealthy.
You’re strong enough to stand up to anyone. Smart enough to do anything you want. Don’t sell yourself short; don’t be afraid of what your new life is going to offer. Because I know – if there’s any justice in this world, good things are going to come to you. Better things than you ever dreamed.
Balthazar was the kind of guy who used totally correct spelling and punctuation even when he was texting, which was sort of bizarrely hot. She was in serious trouble if commas could get her going.
What had seemed like love was betrayal.
Huging my pillow to my chest, I told myself, At least soon you won’t have so much time to miss him. Soon school will start again, and then you’ll be busier. Wait. Am I reduced to HOPING for school to start? Somehow, I have discovered a whole new level of pathetic.
Lucas had told me only one lie, ever; he kept the secret of black Cross because it wasn’t his secret to tell. In every other way, he’d been honest with me and shared the hard truths nobody else thought I deserved to hear.
He’d protect me and shelter me forever. But I was beginning to realize that being sheltered came at a price.
For my own good. Anytime anyone had ever used those words to me, they hadn’t had the slightest clue what ‘my own good’ truly was.
I’m not dating Balthazar. I’m pretend dating him. Which involves some not pretend hand-holding. And maybe some not pretend kissing. But it’s all actually pretend, see? I groaned. My explanations were making my head hurt already.
I could almost feel him near me, the way you can feel a fire’s presence in a cold room.
I was the only one who knew the whole truth about Lucas – who he really was, and what we felt for each other. The truth was all I had left of him, and I would have to carry it alone.
Hear me out. Would you eat a hamburger if there was any chance it could punch you in the face? – How is a hamburger supposed to punch me in the face? Just say that it can. Would you bother? Or would you eat something else?
It wasn’t badass. I don’t really do badass.
Are you calling me a weirdo? Highest honor I can bestow.
Poor Lucas, always trying to protect me from danger. He’d never guessed that I was the dangerous one.
That is the manner in which I roll.
We can always hate that which we loved, and with a fire as great as our love once was.
Is this what it means to die? Lucas thought. Because I’m not scared of it anymore. Not if it means I finally get this close to you.