In a moment, when I’m ready, I will turn off this computer and that will be it. This letter will be finished. A part of me doesn’t want to stop writing to you, but I need to. For both of us.
The sand stretched out gray and ghostlike and illuminated, a column of light leading forward. It was like something a dead person would see, a tunnel leading toward heaven.
I’d never seen a man cry before, only on TV. I’d never even seen Dad close to crying. Those tears looked so odd on you. It was like the strength of you just seemed to sap away. The surprise of it stopped me from being so scared.
It didn’t make me glow. I felt more like I was fading away, like the world had forgotten me.
You smiled then, and your whole face changed with it. It kind of lit up, like there were sunbeams coming from inside you.
I remember that feeling of skin. It’s strange to remember touch more than thought. But my fingers still tingle with it.
I mean, that star over there is blinking at me madly now, but for how long? An hour or two, or for the next million years? And how long will we sit here like this? Just another moment, or the rest of our lives? You know which one I’d prefer...
There were tiny stars behind my eyelids, a whole galaxy of tiny, spinning stars.
I didn’t want the person standing there, beside the bed, to have the same face I’d found so attractive at the airport. But you were there all right: the blue eyes, blondish hair, and tiny scar. Only you didn’t look beautiful this time. Just evil.
But without humans, the wild would take over. It would only take a hundred years or so for nature to win again.
You won’t be able to hurt me, or touch me.
I was surprised at her gentleness, her willingness to give in.
I thought you didn’t want to let me go.
How would she find her herd? How would she find you?
It was like I existed in a kind of parallel universe, thinking thoughts and feelings that no one else understood.
It happened like this. I was stolen from an airport. Taken from everything I knew, everything I was used to. Taken to sand and heat, dirt and danger. And he expected me to love him. This is my story. A letter from nowhere.
I didn’t look back, but I knew you were still watching. It probably sounds weird, but I could just feel it. The hairs on my neck bristled when you blinked.
Your eyes were too intense to stare into for long.
The deep blue of your eyes had secrets. I wanted them.
I remember the lights turning into blurs of blazing fire. I remember the air-conditioning chilling my arms. The smell of coffee smudging into the smell of eucalyptus.
Your beautiful mouth was moving like a caterpillar. I reached out and tried to catch it.