Just in case, though, I stormed into my apartment, tossed a quick hello to Mr. Wong, then rummaged through my entertainment center to lay out all my exorcism equipment. I kept it in my entertainment center because exorcisms were nothing if not entertaining.

— Darynda Jones

Darynda Jones Quotes

Jesus may love you, but i’m his favourite.

— Darynda Jones

I did that thing where you scratch your eyebrow and flip someone off at the same time. I’m good at multitasking like that.

— Darynda Jones

Okay, I’ll strip. I’ll tap dance. I’ll sing ‘La Cucaracha’ in C minor.

— Darynda Jones

I should’ve known the day was going to turn out bad when it started with my father trying to kill me.

— Darynda Jones

I often question my sanity. Occasionally, it replies.

— Darynda Jones

You take everything onto your shoulders like that guy who holds up the world, and you shouldn’t. You’re not nearly as muscular.

— Darynda Jones

I know how you feel. I’ve been analyzed to death as well. Not, like, professionally, though I did date a psych major who said I had attention issues. Or at least that’s what I think he said. I wasn’t really paying attention. Anyway, where was I?

— Darynda Jones

I knew dating the son of Satan would turn out badly.

— Darynda Jones

It would be a miracle to solve this case. Luckily, I believed in miracles. No, wait, that was testicles. I believed in testicles.

— Darynda Jones

Cook, at that moment in time, I would have sold my body for a mocha latte.

— Darynda Jones

My prodding me didn’t elicit a reaction. His unseeing eyes stared straight through me. Which was odd. He’d seemed so sane huddled in Cookie’s trunk.

— Darynda Jones

I suck at all this supernatural stuff. But I fry a mean chicken. Oh, good. I hate it when the nice ones get fried.

— Darynda Jones

In Cookie’s defense, it was raining wildcats and rabid dogs.

— Darynda Jones

Who knew Demon Child would have such a normal name? I expected something exotic like Serena or Destiny or the Evil One That Comes in the Night to Make Us Chilly.

— Darynda Jones

What in the name of Zeus’s testicles?

— Darynda Jones

Do not disturb. Already there.

— Darynda Jones

I shifted in my chair as Dad waited for a response. He seemed determined, his resolve unwavering. This would take tact. Prudence. Possibly Milk Duds. “Are you psychotic?” I asked, realizing my plan to charm and bribe him if need be flew out the window the minute I opened my mouth.

— Darynda Jones

Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes it’s time, and gets to know everyone personally – T-Shirt.

— Darynda Jones

Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster and with more energy!

— Darynda Jones

Glitch was about as wild and unpredictable as a carrot stick.

— Darynda Jones
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