I should’ve known the day was going to turn out bad when it started with my father trying to kill me.
Courage is knowing it might hurt and doing it anyway. Stupidity is the same, and that’s why life is hard.
I mean, seriously. A dungeon? Are we talking The Princess Bride or Fifty Shades?
Could you add a side of vague to that?
If your path demands that you walk through hell, walk as though you own the place.
Sometimes, I shock myself with the smart things I say and do. Other times, I try to get out of the car with my seatbelt on. – Bumper Sticker.
Booze rarely talks, and when it does, it has nothing interesting to say.
I’m not on the crazy train. Trains go fast. It’s more like a wagon. A long, slow ride on the crazy wagon. – MEME.
Four out of five dentists agree: lying through your teeth does NOT count as flossing. – Meme.
If overthinking situations burned calories I’d be dead. – Meme.
Of course, I have flaws, but my boobs usually distract people from them. – T-shirt.
Note to self. Prepare better when letting a man in a straitjacket cross.
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. – STEPHEN WRIGHT.
Men in black are at the office?” “Well, yes, but they’re actually in more of a navy.
Don’t borrow trouble. Gotcha. So, then, can I rent it? – CHARLEY DAVIDSON.
You’re plying me with your feminine wiles?” “Not at all. I left my feminine wiles in my other pants. And I very rarely ply in public.
It got awkward, and then I made it worse somehow. – An autobiography.
She looked deep inside herself, but not too deep as she was a little scared of heights.
What doesn’t kill you gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a really dark sense of humor. – Meme.
I tried to start a gang once. It turned into a book club. – MEME.
A man with more bandages than a six-year-old left alone in a doctor’s office stumbled past the front of the station. The two plodded through the snow.