After living with their dysfunctional behavior for so many years, people become invested in defending their dysfunctions rather than changing them.
If you want to succeed at goal setting, you have to face the reality of the effort and the payoff before you begin. Realize that the ‘quick fix’ and the ‘easy solution’ may not provide the ‘lasting fix’ and the ‘meaningful solution.’ Lasting goal achievement requires lots of time, hard work, personal sacrifice, ongoing effort, and dedication to a process that is maintained over years. And even if you can pull that off, the rewards may not be all that you expect.
We can’t admit that we need to change – either because we’re unaware that a change is desirable, or, more likely, we’re aware but have reasoned our way into elaborate excuses that deny our need for change.
When you start a sentence with “no,” “but,” “however,” or any variation thereof, no matter how friendly your tone or how many cute mollifying phrases you throw in to acknowledge the other person’s feelings, the message to the other person is You are wrong.
If we’re satisfied with our life – not necessarily happy or delighted that we’ve exceeded our wildest expectations, just satisfied – we yield to inertia. We continue doing what we’ve always done. If we’re dissatisfied, we may go to the other extreme, falling for any and every idea, never pursuing one idea long enough so that it takes root and actually shapes a recognizably new us.
When we regret our own decisions – and do nothing about it – we are no better than a whining employee complaining about his superiors. We are yelling at an empty boat, except it’s our boat.
The greatest challenge in behavioral change is not knowing what to do – the greatest challenge is doing it!
Leadership is not about me. It is all about them.
The most reliable predictor of what you will be doing five minutes from now is what you are doing now.
Successful people, however, believe there is always a link between what they have done and how far they have come – even when no link exists. It’s delusional, but it is also empowering.
The only natural law I’ve witnessed in three decades of observing successful people’s efforts to become more successful is this: People will do something – including changing their behavior – only if it can be demonstrated that doing so is in their own best interests as defined by their own values.
One of the greatest mistakes of successful people is the assumption, “I am successful. I behave this way. Therefore, I must be successful because I behave this way!” The challenge is to make them see that sometimes they are successful in spite of this behavior.
It works because helping people be “right” is more productive than proving them “wrong.
The next time you start to speak out of anger, look in the mirror. In every case, you’ll find that the root of your rage is not “out there” but “in here.
Getting better is its own reward. If we do that, we can never feel cheated.
But for some reason, many people enjoy living in the past, especially if going back there lets them blame someone else for anything that’s gone wrong in their lives. That’s when clinging to the past becomes an interpersonal problem. We use the past as a weapon against others.
If she wants to be a great leader, she will need to “make peace” with watching what she says and observing how she acts – for the rest of her career.
Five qualities that you need to bring to an activity in order to do it well are: motivation, knowledge, ability, confidence, and authenticity.
Peter Drucker famously said, “Half the leaders I have met don’t need to learn what to do. They need to learn what to stop.
Emotional volatility is not the most reliable leadership tool. When you get angry, you are usually out of control. It’s hard to lead people when you’ve lost control. You may think you have a handle on your temper, that you can use your spontaneous rages to manipulate and motivate people. But it’s very hard to predict how people will react to anger.
The simplest tool I know to finding fulfillment is being open to fulfillment.