George Carlin is brilliant with words, and Johnny Winters is very creative. It’s taking something common and drawing out the humor, being clever with words.
If you have a question about anything, the answer can be found in a book somewhere in the library.
If the audience knows you can be funny when you want to be, they will be willing to wait for that payoff.
I don’t think you can bring the races together by joking about the differences between them. I’d rather talk about the similarities, about what’s universal in their experiences.
Let me say this: I only expect the black media to uphold the standards of excellence in journalism and when you do that, you have to go in with a neutral mind.
That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.
If you have no faith, you’ve lost your battle.
For college seniors there should be a week of being allowed to cry. Just break down and cry because you are scared and don’t know what’s next.
Gray hair is God’s graffiti.
The first time I came across the birds and the bees in actual flight, I couldn’t identify the formation.
The first-born in every family is always dreaming for an imaginary older brother or sister who will look out for them.
When a person has a gun, sometimes their mind clicks that this thing will win arguments and straighten people out.
If you know what you want, you will recognize it when you see it.
Intellectuals are people who go to study things other people do naturally.
Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair and the first thing they grab is an iron hook.
Every father says the same thing: “Where’s your mother?”
Don’t let your victories go to your head, or your failures go to your heart.
If I use the word romance, whether it’s my wife or not, it does not mean sex. We can use the word sex when sex is there.
Every romance does not lead to sex.
Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first.
I want all this loud profanity in the street stopped. I want people to think about choices.